So, earlier this week we started our monologue on why we need to break up with 2011.  So far, we’ve tackled work and carbs…both things that seem to make us fat. Now it is time to tackle boys and shoes. Deep breath. We DO love shoes. Shoes, why do you not return the affection?

You know it is time to break up with your shoes when:

1. Wearing them literally makes you cry.

2. The nail in the heel is exposed (again) and you are making a clickity-clack sound walking down the office hallway. If your loud footsteps are followed by murmurs of  “the wicked witch is coming!” then you may need to purchase new shoes over lunch break. We just gave you permission.

3. You observe anyone over the age of 60 with the same pair.

4. You observe anyone under the age of 10 with the same pair.

5. They are Uggs.

You know it is time to break up with boys when:

1. Facebook tells you that you are no longer in a relationship.

2. If you find yourself seeing other people. You know, besides the man you are dating.

3. When you ask: “Where is this going?” and he says: “to the movies?…..”

4. You frequently draw a blank when asked his name. Consider the matter urgent if it’s his first name.

5. Either of you have an active online dating profile.

6. When people ask you how your relationship is going, and you respond: “Relationship?”

7. If someone asks you about marriage and the thought of marrying your boyfriend makes you breathe into a paper bag. And not in a good way (Is there a good way?)

CG Nation, what have we missed?

Fellow citizens of CG Nation: We are here to say that 2011 has made us tired. I mean, it’s been a year. Some good, some REALLY bad, but a year. A kick in the pants spit in our drink and look up our skirt repeatedly kind of year.  And now, we are over it. We ARE OVER it.  So, we are going to spend the rest of this year breaking up with 2011.  2011,  you are dead to us.  And, it is time to walk away.  Or alternatively, sprint to our couch and refuse to come out until you are over. So there.  Suck it.

So to kick-start the break-up talk, here is our list of why you sometimes need to break up with things. Like years, or boys, or carbs. Yup. We said it. Carbs.

You know you need to break up with carbs when:

1. You realize that for breakfast you had bread, with a side of bread. And some pie. And that you had eaten the same thing yesterday….and the day before that.

2. You find yourself in the kitchen breaking into your secret bread stash, and trying to hide it from yourself.  But you are in the kitchen with you, so your plan has a major flaw. Shut up and pass the bread.

3. You swear the mashed potatoes are talking to you. Again.

You know what else can suck? Work.  So, here is what we have to say about that.

You know it is time to break up with work when:

1. You can’t look your boss in the eye without thinking about strangling him/her.  And your concern is not the murder, but where in fact you will stash the body (filing cabinet?).

2. When you wake up in the morning and it is Saturday, you do a snoopy happy dance. When you wake up and it is Wednesday, you hold your pillow and cry.

3. You consider any job a step up from where you are now.  Bank robber. Porn Star. Porn Star film director. Port-a-John cleaner. Perfume sprayer. Guy who holds the sign in the road and twirls it. Even in WINTER.

4. You notice your happy hours are starting at 4 pm. And then 3. And then you are not coming back after lunch.

5. When someone asks you how work is going, you respond with: “……..”  or “Work is fine. FINE. Why are you asking me? Why!!???” or just some maniacal laughter. Which is not at all creepy.

So, we’ll be here all month!  We personally have SO MUCH to break up with.  What do you want to kick to the curb this year? Let us know and we’ll try and post it!

So men, we’re going to let y’all in on a big secret: Ladies Talk.

We know, shocking. Glad you were sitting down for that, no?

Now, this can be a great thing for you as a man (”he was great and let me give you all the gory details!”) or a terrible thing (”he was….nice. I guess?”) but either way, it’s happening.

And what do we talk about most? Yes, that is right: chocolate.

But what do we talk about after that? You got it — the art of seduction.  Commonly rephrased as “how he could be better at attempting to get lucky.”

From our detailed and exhaustive research on the seduction of men, we’ve figured out that men are fairly straightforward.  They have a few obvious areas that they want you to focus on and they prefer a direct approach.  Whether you ask them “Can I buy you a drink?” (i.e. the subtle approach) or you just go in for the face-grab, men seem to take heart when obvious is the name of the game.

Ladies….weeeelllll, not so much.  We like to not only be wined and dined, but also just plain seduced.  We want to be made to feel beautiful, desired, wanted, secure…. and just a little bit dangerous.  Simple? No. Easy? Actually — YES.  Let us break it down old school.

Things NOT to do:

1. Stand there and do nothing.

2. Be too reserved.

3. Point 1.

4. Be tentative or too shy.

5. Be scarily aggressive if you have only just met her.

6. Use a cheesy line. Or if you do, say it like you mean it and maybe we’ll believe you.

Things TO do:

[Disclaimer -- most of the below will work at *almost* any stage of the relationship. The better you know her, the more you can do with complete confidence.  However, if you don't know her, use your judgment on what may or may not be appropriate]

1. The Kiss: As patented by The Pick Up Artist, if you want to kiss her, we recommend touching her hair or touching her face, running your hands along her jaw, and then slowly teasing her and leaning in.  If you don’t really know her — then go 80-90% of the way, and let her met you the last 10%.  If you do know her and feel confident, then touch her hair/face and gently pull her in.  Any lady worth her Lady Card can effectively dodge a kiss she doesn’t want, so I give you carte blanche. You have nothing to lose by trying…and the right amount of confidence in yourself goes a long way.

2. Create Sparks: Men. This is critical.  You need to start the fire before you can enjoy the heat. What this means is that you need to touch her in a way that is appropriate in public, but will get her hankering for more. Some ideas that work on most women (but not all, so experiment!): At dinner, stroke her wrist gently as you wait for drinks. It’s a sensitive spot.  Run your fingers down her back as you walk by  Take her palm and gently kiss it.  Play with her hair.   And this is the most important part so pay attention: keep her guessing.  Change it up, do different things, so that all of her attention will be on you and when you are going to touch her next.

3. Make her Shiver: Sweep her hair off of her neck and kiss the nape of her neck as you wait for drinks at the bar (why this works: it’s intimate, possessive, and also a very sensitive spot).  Put your hands (firmly!) on her waist for a moment as you stand together and pull her into you (why this works: she feels secure and desired).

4. Dance with Her: Nothing says seduction like good music and a slow dance.  Benefits of this move: you can turn the lights off and get closer…and closer.

5. Let Her Feel your Desire for Her. Men, this does not mean actually feeling your “desire.”  It means letting her know how much you want to be with her/near her/around her — giving her your focus.  Whether you do this with words, looks, both or with some sort of throwdown, it all works.  Just make sure that she knows — she’ll find it incredibly attractive, and that will only help your cause in the end. [Note: Subtlety is important here too --there is nothing less sexy than a man that is openly salivating or lavishing worship on you when he hardly knows you. We prefer when that comes later!]

6. THROWDOWN. We secretly pretty much all want to feel like we are with a rugged man.  And the best way to do this is to demonstrate some sort of throwdown. Whether it is picking her up in the tried and true threshold carry (we all like to feel light — tip: please don’t grunt), or slamming up against a wall as you kiss her (see point #5), it’s about her feeling how strong you are.  THAT is sexy.

7. Whisper. Especially if you’re in public and it’s nearing closing time. If you haven’t done the deed yet, be careful about being raunchy here. But something as simple as “I can’t get my mind off those heels you’re wearing” will get her heart racing. Whispering it as a secret ramps up the seduction factor as does the physical closeness required to deliver the message.

This is years of wisdom from many women. Heed it. Recognize it. And APPLY IT.  Whether you are working on a new girl or your wife of 10 years, every woman craves a little seduction and wants to feel like the object of desire and affection.  Trust us — it WILL pay off for you in the end.

Agree/Disagree? Sound off in the comments!

Did we tell you? Christie, of Christie and Jess, is launching a new business.  CityGirls will still be around of course, but she has found her passion in coaching, and is specializing in career and transition coaching for the women of DC.  Preeeeeesenting…..

Why is this cool?

Well — it’s always cool to find your passion! And, helping other people find theirs? EVEN BETTER!!

What is this coaching stuff anyway?

Coaching is pretty neat.  It is sort of like working with a personal trainer — except in this case, you are not only setting goals and working towards them, you are also focused on the things that might be holding you back — thoughts, feelings and emotions that are preventing you from achieving success.  Until you figure out exactly what is stopping you, it is really hard to make a lot of progress.

Why does this matter to me?

Are you feeling stuck in your career or life? Are you feeling lost, tired, or confused? Or do you have a dream but you have no idea how to make it happen? What is that dream worth to you? This is why coaching matters — working with a coach helps you figure all of this out, and then make it happen!

What else is cool?

Two things: 1. Did we mention that there is also a blog? Helpful tips and tools for finding yourself and your life!

2. It’s a club — so you get the support of a coach AND a network — EVEN BETTER.  So, go and check out the new site at…

www.therevolutionaryclub.com!