Last weekend I ventured out of the City of Brotherly love and headed west to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, home of the Amish, horse and buggies, and my best friend.  As I stood in the bathroom line, sipping my authentic Lancaster Brewing Company beer, I was approached by a rather tall, handsome, and unAmish lad.  I was instantly impressed with Lancaster, not only did they have good beer and fresh air, but they also had cute boys.  Just as I began plotting my relocation scheme, my tall drink of water informed me that he was actually from The Big Apple, and was just in town for the night.  Regardless of our geographical differences, we continued to engage in quality conversation until last call.  Just as the lights came on and I was waiting for the number exchange, he did something very peculiar.  He gave me his name.  Yes, his first and last name, and simply stated, “Facebook me.”

Two days later, I found the scrap of paper in the bottom of my purse and decided to send Mr. Alex Facebook a friend request.  Before I had time to log off, he had already accepted me, and it was official, we were Facebook friends.  This gave me my official invitation to begin stalking. Within minutes I came to find out that my new friend enjoyed Nirvana, played a year of professional baseball with the Mets, and “aspires to be like Bugs Bunny.”  As I continued to stalk, and make judgments based souly on what was presented on his profile, I began to question Facebook.  As a single girl in the 21^st century, is it our friend or is it our foe?

Since I couldn’t single handedly determine if I saw it as a date helper or harmer, I assembled a group of my closest friends (and experienced Facebookers) and this is what we came up with.

Friend:

Facebook allows you an opportunity to reconnect.  This is an obvious advantage to the social network.  If you’re curious about how your high school sweetheart is doing or the boy you use to steal animal crackers from in preschool, you simply search their name, send them a non threatening friend request, and BOOM…you can figure it out.

Foe

Facebook forces us to judge. The minute we get access to a potential mate’s profile, we snoop around like we have a part time job for the FBI.  As a close friend states, “Unfortunately we’re wired to form a first impression pretty quickly, so if I see only picture of a guy really wasted at parties, because that’ what his friends posted, I’m going to think of him as wild, immature party guy for a long time— as long as it takes to undo first impressions.”

Friend:

Facebook offers a nonthreatening way to communicate. I have close friend, who currently has an amazing live-in boyfriend, thanks to Facebook messaging.  She had a crush on a guy who worked for her company, but was afraid to approach him.  One night, after many Irish car bombs, she got up enough whiskey courage to send him a message with her phone number.  A few days later, she received a call from him, and the rest is history.  Although this story may not be the norm, I do believe it has become such a common element in our daily lives that it is an easy outlet for communication.

Foe:

Facebook reveals too much too fast. In a typical dating scenario, you gradually get to know to someone via conversation.  The first few dates you may discuss your hobbies, interests, favorite books, or employment.  Then maybe, as the relationship progresses, you learn more about one another’s personal life AKA ex girlfriends, but with Facebook that stuff is in your face the moment you accept the friend request.  As my friend Mary states, “There is something to be said for slowly getting to know each other, and revealing things about yourself as you’re ready.”

Friend:

Silence…can’t think of another positive.  Anyone? “ Bueller, Bueller…”

FOE:

Facebook brings out your inner psycho. Although we may be very sane, mature, and confident women, the minute another female post on our potential mate’s wall or photos are tagged, those traits are all thrown out the window.  Although the pictures or post could be completely innocent, the “I can’t wait to see you, “is a distant cousin from Wisconsin, or all the smiling shots are from a childhood friend, we automatically assume the worst. Unfortunately human nature is often driven by drama, and Facebook interactions allow us to create our own reality, which is typically a worst case scenario.

So, although Facebook does allow us the opportunity to reconnect and send non threatening messages, the vote is in, and Facebook is a relationship foe. Your thoughts?

There are a few imperative steps one must take when going on a first date with a guy she barely knows. First, and foremost, always schedule the first date for a week night.  This way if it turns out to be a total disaster, you can always use the old excuse “I have to wake up early for work in the morning.” Plus, why would you want to waste a weekend night on a guy you barely know?  Secondly, never meet for a full meal. This coming from a girl who loves full meals, especially free full meals.  However, I’ve been on far too many dates where I wanted to escape before the appetizers were over and was forced to stick it out through dessert. Save the buffet for the second date.  Finally, always meet in a well lit mutual location.  I know this may sound trite, but there are far too many crazies in the world to be letting strangers know where you live, so play it safe.

Following my own first date guidelines, I agreed to meet Ryan Irishpub on a Monday night for drinks at Devils Alley. Although I’m typically a fairly confident first dater, as I approached the meeting place I began to get a bit nervous.  I wasn’t afraid of awkward conversation or self-conscious about how I looked, but to be completely honest, I wasn’t quite sure if I remembered exactly what Ryan Irishpub looked like.  To be fair I had met him a few weeks back, we were drinking at the time, and I may have met a “Joe Bob and Barbra’s,” or “Matt Noche” in between.

Fortunately, for me, only three individuals were at the bar when I arrived. One a middle-aged balding man (I was pretty sure my beer goggles weren’t that bad), the other a short blonde girl who was consumed with her text messages, and finally a moderately attractive 20 something, casually glancing around the room as if he were looking for someone.  I had found Ryan Irishpub.

I saddled up on the stool next to him, ordered a Yards, and attempted to prove it was possible to meet a normal guy at the bar.

Conversation attempt #1- Television shows…always fair game for the first date.

Me: “I’ve been getting really into The Wire, it makes me miss living in Baltimore”

Him: “Never heard of it, I hear Baltimore is a terrible city. I’ve haven’t missed an episode of Glee this season”

Me: “Hahaha.”  Good he has a sense of humor…wait, he’s not smiling. Shit, is he serious? Never heard of The Wire but is adamant about his love for Glee? Oh boy. Maybe he just has bad taste in television…

Conversation attempt #2- Philadelphia.  I mean we both live here, we at least have that in common…

Me: I was down in Passyunk Square last weekend, I can’t believe how much they’ve done to that neighborhood.”

Him: “ Huh, Passyunk Square, that’s in South Philly right?  I’ve never actually be south of South Street.  It seems like everything I need is in Center City.

Has lived in Philadelphia for 3 years and hasn’t been south of South street? Ok strike two, but in the spirit of the playoffs I’ll give him one more chance.  I mean, Ryan Howard gets 3 strikes.

Conversation attempt (and strike) #3- Pets. How can you go wrong when talking about pets?

Me: “Do you have any pets in the city?”

Him: “ No, I use to have a dog when I was a kid…(insert fond memories of having a dog here)but then my sister started eating all his hair so we had to get rid of him.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Him: “My sister started eating his hair, my parents thought it was best we get rid of him.”

And there we have it folks…strike three.  I wish I could say that I’m fabricating this story, or that I changed the dialogue slightly for a comic effect; however, I’m not creative enough to make this stuff up.  Ryan Irishpub really did tell me that his sister ate his dog’s hair.  I mean who admits that? Let alone on a first date?

So with three sips of beer and three consecutive strikes on my conversation starters, I decided my date with Ryan Irishpub had to come to an end.  Fortunately, I had followed my own first date rules and made the date for a Monday, so at 7:45 (about 25 minutes in) I convinced him that I typically had a 9pm bed time on the weekend and had to go home and prepare.

As I walked home from my disaster date, I was in relatively high spirits. Dating really is just a game. I mean you can prepare for it, buy that cute outfit, practice all your great conversation starters, but when you get out on the playing field, you can never be quite sure what is going to happen.  Sometimes you may get lucky and hit a homerun, but other times you plain and simply strike out. However, the great thing about dating is, just like baseball, the season rarely ever comes to an ends.  You’ll always have another chance to get up to the bat, and you can’t always strike out.  At some point you’re going to have to get a hit, and maybe if you’re really fortunate it will even go out of the park.

(photo credit)

Mr. Nice Guy and I were introduced to one another online and I could tell that he actually read the words in my profile as opposed to just looking at my photos and giving me the thumbs up or down. I was a tiny bit suspicious because he didn’t have a photo posted with his profile.  Of course I requested one because after all, I had to see what he was working with.  He didn’t have a horn growing from his forehead, so what the heck, let’s meet.

I like the coffee idea for because it’s not time-specific like lunch or dinner, so it fits in-between your other weekend plans fairly neatly and it’s pressure-free.  My very first impressions were “wow, he’s tall” (this is never a bad thing in my book) and “i wonder what tasty morsel he just ate because what is that pinkish white crumb near his mouth?” (this is bad because he didn’t share his morsel with me).

Moving on…the conversation didn’t start off so well because for what felt like 15-20 minutes, but was probably closer to 5, he recited his resume and I learned more than I wanted to know about former co-workers, job descriptions, and corporate scandals.   I chalked it up to nerves and re-adjusted my listening ears while looking for a suitable spot to interject without totally cutting him off.  Things got better as the minutes ticked by and we ended up having a pleasant conversation.

I’ve been guilty in the past of pulling the plug on Mr. Nice Guys after just a few dates because they were nice, well-mannered, and showed up on time, but there was nothing else about them that stirred my curiousity, pulled me in, made me want to peel back their layers.  Then again, we all know couples who say that when they first met their future spouse, they never in a million years thought they were looking at their future spouse. I’m pretty sure there is no romance potential here, but if Mr. Nice Guy asks me out again, should I give it another shot? Maybe there is something there that I’ve overlooked.

SG3

Remember how it all began with (shudder) Plenty of Fish?  Who knew that two different dates could be equally sucky?

And then, who could forget the very first sighting of  Tall Drink.  Match.com….actually bringing people together!  If in a slightly annoying way thanks to the Daily 5.

One of our favorite postings involved a guy who didn’t even get a name, because that is how memorable the date was….

And then there was the man who insisted on mainly using IM to communicate….and he became the date that never was.  Did that car accident *really* happen?

Eventually Tall Drink came back on the scene, and showered our fearless SG with gifts.  Which were much better gifts than some from recent ex-boyfriends who shall remain nameless.  Wild Applause!

And finally, if you missed it, here is where SingleGirl said goodbye and bon voyage!

We send many thanks to our lovely SingleGirl, and cheers to the future!  May all your fabulous dreams come true!

***Join us in a month for a new SingleGirl!  Next week we will be turning the mike over to our MarriedGirls, for some down-home wisdom and thoughts.

(photo courtesy of itickr)

Ok, so maybe life isn’t a fairytale, but I’ve always wanted to write those words down and be talking about my life.

Here is the update: Tall Drink did recently meet my parents.  And, it went fairly well!  I think my dad was suspicious for a good chunk of time, and my mom was all-around awesome as usual.  There were no awkward stories shared about me (whew!), the embarrassing photos were kept to a minimum (thank goodness!) and everyone walked away unscathed.

(sigh of relief)

So I think that I now have to bow to social convention and admit that Tall Drink is, in fact, my boyfriend.  And has been for awhile.  Is it weird to call a man in his 30’s your boyfriend?  I’m having a Carrie Bradshaw moment and wondering if after a certain age they cease to become boys and instead are just men.  In which case, Tall Drink is definitely my man.

Clearly we are in the early early stages of this whole thing people call a “relationship” but yet, it seems to be heading “somewhere” (which phrase I’ve never really understood.  In the context of relationships, why must it be going “somewhere?”  Where is “somewhere?” and why doesn’t it have a better name like “chocolate” or “beach paradise?”).  And so I find myself with some sadness.  Not in relation to Tall Drink, because he makes me happy, but instead in relation to my singlegirl shoes–shoes that fit comfortably for so long, but are now no longer right for my feet, no matter how pretty the color and how high the heel.

I think I knew exactly who I was as a single girl, and now that I am part of a couple, I’m just feeling my way (and my new couple shoes definitely need some breaking in).

But I also know that excitement awaits me: date nights, celebrations, having someone around to massage my feet, and getting the occasional dinner cooked for me.  These are all good things!  I also suppose that there is caring, love and affection.  I am excited for all of that as well .

So in the interests of creating a solid relationship, I think it is time to say goodbye to being the CityGirls SingleGirl, and hello to just being a normal girl.  I have a feeling Tall Drink would prefer not to see the highs and lows of our dating life posted on a public website…no matter how much fun I say it is!

So, it is with much love and affection that I say farewell. Thank you for sticking with me through my dating triumphs, and well….ok, mostly tribulations.  It’s been a wild ride, and having people out there to share it has meant the world to me.

To all of you single girls out there–stand tall and proud.  You are all amazing!  And I’ll miss you.

To everyone else–keep reading! Another SingleGirl will arrive soon with new stories to tell.

With love (and a glass of champagne),

The SingleGirl.

I’m not really sure when is the appropriate time to “meet the parents” if you will.  Mixing Significant Others and families is sort of like making soufflé.  Sometimes, that sh*t just doesn’t rise, you know?  Or sometimes, it can be completely awesome.  But it can go either way, in my opinion.

Regardless, a lot is dependent on timing.  I mean, meeting the parents says: “this is someone who is probably going to be in my life for a bit…or FOREVER”  And also, it says “here are my embarrassing memories of when I was young embodied in whatever my parents are telling you that might make you want to run away.”  So, implicit/explicit messages are being sent left and right.  Scary times!

Unsurprisingly, I fall into the “I’d like to keep my parents in the dark until the actual wedding day” camp, so I’m never quick off the mark to introduce my family.  I’m also never excited to meet other people’s families.  I am not a fan of the stress, of the challenge of trying to be presentable, interesting, sober…freshly showered….etc.  I’d rather be lying down! (Yes, I am that lazy).

So anyway, Tall Drink had a work event that was a big deal, and his entire family came into town at once. Parents, sister, nieces etc. And so, I met them in one big fell swoop.  Which, as he pointed out, I owed him because he ended up meeting a lot of my friends all at once.  But still, as I then pointed out, we were BEYOND even because that is a lot of family all at one time!

He said (following the correct man playbook) that I was a big hit with everyone, and I said (again) ok, we are even buddy!  So now that begs the question of when should I introduce him to my parents?  His met me on the early side because of outside things (work event).  Mine however, are more local and easily accessible so they can be locked and loaded for firing at any time.  What do I do?  And when do I do it?  Tall Drink (again, calling the right plays) has said he will meet my parents at anytime that I am comfortable.  But is there some sort of rule of thumb I should be following? Some sort of Rules of Etiquette Book that I should consult? Am I making too big a deal out of this?  When should it all happen????!!!!!  Ummm…. please help?

Far away, in land not here, a girl dated a man.  For years.  And said man had many good traits, but gift giving was not one of them.  In fact, he had an infamous track record of poorly chosen gifts that continued to shock and awe (in that bad way).  For Christmas, he gave lingerie.  For the next Christmas, he followed up with a steamer.  For clothes.  And the book: “The Bitch is Back.”  Yes.  It is hard to feign excitement over either of these gifts…and they are some of the better ones she received!

And so when said relationship ended, this SingleGirl kept telling her friends that all she wanted to do was to spend a long weekend with a man who would sweep her off her feet, and spirit her away on his yacht (or perhaps to the Savoy in London) where he would shower her with sparkly gifts, champagne and lobster, and then deposit her back on dry land with fond memories and a tiara.

Well, it seems like those days are not so unrealistic after all.  Tall Drink has made it clear that he likes to give gifts on appropriate occasions (birthdays and Christmas for example), but has also taken it upon himself, after hearing these stories of woe, to bring gifts as a surprise.  He often shows up with wine and cheese,  and more recently with a large box of my favorite chocolates and books (I love to read) when I was having an off week.  And despite Christmas being far away, he’s already planning some sort of gift giving surprise.  It’s a refreshing change! But as someone who, admittedly, loves gifts, but I do understand that gifts do not make the relationship.  The people do.  Gifts are just a fun icing on the cake, and cake tastes great without icing too.

So it has been an interesting change, because I am someone who was so used to the other extreme (non-gift or terrible gifts), that all of these presents have sort of taken me by surprise.  I mean, a GREAT surprise, but still surprise none-the-less.  And I wonder how much gift giving is expected in return.  I myself love to give gifts (especially at Christmas—I’m all ABOUT Christmas), but I’ve never been exposed to this scale of gift-giving and am not sure I’ll reciprocate enough.  I want to, but I also worry, what if he expects more and I don’t meet that for whatever reason?  What is enough?  When do you go gift crazy?  And is there etiquette in early relationships where gifts are ok or not ok?  These are some of the questions I ponder.  Also, anyone have any ideas for what to get a man? I’ll take suggestions!

And while I think he is totally right—my caveat is that men should think about is the quantity of plans before springing a ton of things on their lady friends.  In one week he took us boating, for massages, to a rock concert, and then away for the weekend.  I know, tiniest violin again, but it is a LOT of activity for this couch diva.  I do have to spend quality time with my tivo after all!

So this has led to our first talk, because we found all these plans bred resentment. He resented the fact that he was planning most of our activities (I pointed out that with all of his plans I had no time to plan!), and I just wanted a break from plans, and more quiet time together…and a chance to catch up with my friends/tivo in what free time I had left.  Which, if you told me a month ago I would have this conversation with a guy who is pretty darn perfect from the outside and tell me that I would be refusing awesome plans, I would have fallen over from shock.  But here I am.  Relationships, they are weird! (Maybe I’m weird?)

Tall Drink approached the talk from two directions: Early on in our dating, he made it clear that he wasn’t going to date anyone else (though he wasn’t asking that of me, just stating that was what HE was going to do), and then, after a few months of dating (and strict avoidance by me of having any sort of talk.  I am the SingleGirl after all and therefore it’s obvious I’ve got commitment issues) he very cutely wondered if he was allowed to call himself my “acting boyfriend, interim boyfriend, or boyfriend apparent.”  As a woman who shies away from the commitment discussion–much like Britney shies away from singing live at her concerts–I was touched by how he used humor to make me laugh and realized he’s worth keeping around….and he deserved SOME sort of title and recognition in my life….

So, fellow citygirls, I have the honor to introduce my current Gentleman Caller and Main Squeeze: Tall Drink (of Water!)

Wow.  Game and possibly Set, that is for sure.  Tall Drink really upped his game.  The man, he has mad skills.

So, to celebrate his birthday, he asked me to be his date for the weekend several weeks before the big day, but told me that he wanted our plans to be a surprise.  Always one for intrigue, I agreed (why not, right?) and went along with his plans.  After picking me up in the morning, we ended up driving downtown and pulling into one of the swankiest hotels in the city where…we had a full-on suite booked!  After checking in, we headed out to a museum, and then had lunch and saw some more sights, before wandering the city a bit more and heading back to the hotel so we could go back to our room and get changed for our COUPLES MASSAGE!  Tall Drink, he does not kid around!!

Following the massage he presented me with some lovely chocolates to eat while I changed for dinner, and then took me to one of the top restaurants in town, slipping our cab driver the address on a piece of paper so I would not know where we were headed.  I kept guessing in the car, but was totally surprised when we pulled up to our destination.  After an amazing dinner (though we both agreed overpriced.  Still—very very good!), we went for drinks at a new rooftop bar with wonderful views of the city, and then back to our room where TD pulled out a bottle of Dom Perignon! It never ended!

Waking up the next day, he told me we were having room service (in our SUITE! Insane!) and then I should prepare for a gentle walk outside of the city.  After a wonderful breakfast and a bit of a drive we ended up at one of my favorite amusement parks for the afternoon, and he let me ride my favorite roller coaster 7 times.  That I’m telling you, right there, is caring.  As I write this I am like “no way!” and also “I KNOW!” And really? REALLY?!!  Who DOES this??

It was like a fairytale.  And also, pretty darn perfect.

Whoo!