The dirty secret of relationships is that they are WORK.  And after communication, romance seems to be the thing that requires the most conscious effort in our opinion. Soooo…that is the first thing. Romance takes work on BOTH sides.  However, it doesn’t have to be a LOT of work.  In fact, with a few ideas/mechanisms in place, romance can happen fairly easily.

For Him:

1. Read our article on seduction and follow it!

2. Women want to feel noticed, beautiful, and appreciated. We want to feel this way through gifts, words, touches, or looks — and THEN we will get turned on. We’ve said it before and we will say it again: You must start the fire to feel the heat.  Follow our formula and you will get laid.  So — ideas that might work (you know her best, so use your judgment):

a. Bring home a single rose (gift), tell her you were thinking about her (words) and you wanted to give her something beautiful, and give her a long sexy kiss.  Not a peck, a deep and loving kiss.  And then tell her she is beautiful while looking into her eyes (look).  Then relax and walk away (no pressure this way) — you have laid the foundation for later that night!

b. Send her a flirty text (words) during the day.  The same type of text that you might send early in the relationship. Examples: “Thinking of how sexy/beautiful/gorgeous you looked this morning.”  “Can’t wait to kiss you tonight.” “Thinking about taking off what you are wearing right now” etc etc. You get the idea!

c. Come home and cook a surprise nice dinner (gift!), as you pour her a glass of wine give her a deep kiss (touch!) and maybe run your hands suggestively down her back (touch). Tell her you’ve been thinking about her all day (words) and then keep up light touches while you serve her dinner. This will get her excited, fired up, and ready to seduce you.  See?

d. When you walk into the room to meet her, or come home after work and she is already home, grab her into a deep hug (touch), dip her if you are adventurous, and kiss her (lips, face, neck, gentleman’s choice).  Then tell her you have missed her (words) and set her down.  Meaningful looks and touches for the rest of the evening should seal the deal!

For Her:

1. Guys need loving too – but they are slightly more visual/direct than we are.  Putting on lipstick, heels, or whatever you know he likes is always a good start (visual).

2. Send him a flirty text, but use imagery.  “Can’t wait to see you tonight — I’ll give you three guesses as to what I’m wearing.” “Just wanted to let you know that I’m wearing my red heels tonight…” “I want you. Now.”

3. Use your feminine wiles.  Come up behind him and kiss his neck, and then run your hands down his back while saying something suggestive (fill in the blank/see above suggestions). Or run your hands down his front .  Either way, he’ll feel the love (direct touch).

4. Be direct. Say exactly what you want from him, what you want to do to him, or what you want to do together. Do this in email, text, or out loud (whisper in a crowded restaurant before the bill comes, sneak up on him at the bar, or even at home etc).

Together:

1. Set a date night regularly (every week?) and stick to it. On date night focus on each other. Go out and have sexy conversation. Dress up if that is your thing.  Flirt, kiss, and build up some anticipation for what will happen later. But take this time for your relationship and focus on romance.

2. Be kind to each other. Little gifts like doing her laundry, cooking him dinner, sending a thoughtful small present (flowers? Chocolate? Peanut butter?) and notes reminding how much you love each other will help keep the romance alive when you are both in the mood. Heck, it will help KEEP you in the mood.

3. Respect each other, but especially with your words.  Jokes, play and other stuff is all fun.  But make sure that you temper your words – nothing turns a woman off more than being told she’s “put on some tire rubber” “looks a little plump” or just “looks fine.”  Alternatively, rubbing a man’s belly and asking to talk to Buddha is a great way to discourage sex from his end.

4. Finally, communicate! If he doesn’t know what you like (or what you don’t!) then how can he meet your expectations? Same for her — if he doesn’t seduce you/touch you/cuddle with you enough to light the fire, then tell him, but do so with curiousity and respect.  Instead of “Why do you always do this wrong?!!” try “I notice you like it this way, and I’m curious as to why — can you tell me?”

Couples – weigh in! What works for you?

You know it is time to break up with your shoes when:

1. Wearing them literally makes you cry.

2. The nail in the heel is exposed (again) and you are making a clickity-clack sound walking down the office hallway. If your loud footsteps are followed by murmurs of  “the wicked witch is coming!” then you may need to purchase new shoes over lunch break. We just gave you permission.

3. You observe anyone over the age of 60 with the same pair.

4. You observe anyone under the age of 10 with the same pair.

5. They are Uggs.

You know it is time to break up with boys when:

1. Facebook tells you that you are no longer in a relationship.

2. If you find yourself seeing other people. You know, besides the man you are dating.

3. When you ask: “Where is this going?” and he says: “to the movies?…..”

4. You frequently draw a blank when asked his name. Consider the matter urgent if it’s his first name.

5. Either of you have an active online dating profile.

6. When people ask you how your relationship is going, and you respond: “Relationship?”

7. If someone asks you about marriage and the thought of marrying your boyfriend makes you breathe into a paper bag. And not in a good way (Is there a good way?)

CG Nation, what have we missed?

So to kick-start the break-up talk, here is our list of why you sometimes need to break up with things. Like years, or boys, or carbs. Yup. We said it. Carbs.

You know you need to break up with carbs when:

1. You realize that for breakfast you had bread, with a side of bread. And some pie. And that you had eaten the same thing yesterday….and the day before that.

2. You find yourself in the kitchen breaking into your secret bread stash, and trying to hide it from yourself.  But you are in the kitchen with you, so your plan has a major flaw. Shut up and pass the bread.

3. You swear the mashed potatoes are talking to you. Again.

You know what else can suck? Work.  So, here is what we have to say about that.

You know it is time to break up with work when:

1. You can’t look your boss in the eye without thinking about strangling him/her.  And your concern is not the murder, but where in fact you will stash the body (filing cabinet?).

2. When you wake up in the morning and it is Saturday, you do a snoopy happy dance. When you wake up and it is Wednesday, you hold your pillow and cry.

3. You consider any job a step up from where you are now.  Bank robber. Porn Star. Porn Star film director. Port-a-John cleaner. Perfume sprayer. Guy who holds the sign in the road and twirls it. Even in WINTER.

4. You notice your happy hours are starting at 4 pm. And then 3. And then you are not coming back after lunch.

5. When someone asks you how work is going, you respond with: “……..”  or “Work is fine. FINE. Why are you asking me? Why!!???” or just some maniacal laughter. Which is not at all creepy.

So, we’ll be here all month!  We personally have SO MUCH to break up with.  What do you want to kick to the curb this year? Let us know and we’ll try and post it!

Last week I read something about love that really stirred me up. It was an advice column on a blog I visit daily called DearWendy. The question was from a 30-something woman who asked Wendy and readers if she should stay with a guy she’d been dating for 6 weeks. He was reportedly great by all accounts but… for she felt no passion (aka chemistry) for him. Having spent a good deal of ’single and dating’ time in my 30s, this topic struck a chord with me and I proceeded to write a long rant about it to, who else?, Christie.

Christie reminded me that my rant was too good to keep in hiding and thus, I am sharing it here.

First, let’s read the “Dear Wendy” column that inspired it all.

(note MOA =  Move On Already)

(we’re kidding Ashley, um…. totally….. kidding… )

Anyway, back to Ashley. Besides her powerful proximity to a warehouse of wine, she is interesting to us in other ways. Like many of us, she wasn’t content to simply punch a clock day after day but instead decided to strike out on her own, be her own boss, and all that stuff that we all dream about. Not ONLY that, but she’s doing it with her husband/business partner Ryan (who just so happens to be a former classmate of ours from Belgium–we know, long story). So we thought, what a fascinating CityGirl life journey–finding love, marriage, wine, and your own business in one package. I mean, what a difference a few years can make, right?

Since she’s pretty much living our dream, we were eager to pick her brain and find out a little more about how she pulled this off. We’re also curious about that shiny mane of blonde hair and, worry not, we asked about that too.

Without further ado, meet Ashley!

***********************************

CGW: Hi Ashley! Let’s start with the basics. Name, place of birth, education?

A: My married name is Ashley Grace Sytsma. I used to be Ashley (no middle name) Southwick. I had a hard time ditching the part of my name that had to do with my heritage. And since “Ashley Southwick-Sytsma” seemed like a mouthful, I took my mother’s middle name as my own to hold onto some of my pedigree.

I am thirty years old, and I was born in the OC…Newport Beach, CA. I am forever grateful that my parents took me out of SoCal when I was seven and raised me in Seattle, WA. I have nothing against the OC, per se. I just have more grunge-loving, granola-eating, coffee-drinking tendencies than Newport Beach would foster.

I graduated from the University of Washington in 2003 with a double degree in International Relations with a focus on Latin America and Spanish. However, I spent much of my college time studying and working in Ecuador and Bolivia.

I completed one day of law school in 2005. It wasn’t law classes that scared me. It was the “how to manage your student loans” class.  I wanted to go to law school, but I also didn’t want $150,000 in debt. I ran as fast as I could, and I’m glad I did. I spent the next two years being a professional mosaic artist. But that’s a different story.

CGW: How tall are you? (Indulge us. There is a 6 inch height difference between us and we’re height obsessed)

A: At a little over 5’9”, I am actually the short one in my family. My father is 6’8”. My brother is 6’5”, and I have an uncle that’s 7’1”. Sometimes I wish I broke the 6’ mark, so I fake it with heels. Good thing my 5’10” husband likes his tall-blondy wife!

CGW: We’ll count that one as a win on Christie’s side then. Speaking of your husband, we’re dying to know –how did you meet him and how did you know he was the ONE?

A: Ryan and I worked together at the World Affairs Council. When I first met him, I must admit that I wasn’t too impressed. He came across as “boring”, but if anyone knows Ryan will tell you, that is far from the truth. We worked closely together on a large black-tie event that included a lot of long nights and a ton of stress. We became friends and confidants quickly under those conditions.

I can remember the very moment when I fell in love with him. The event was over. The last attendees had gone. I was standing exhausted in the foyer. He walked out of the ballroom, and with his hands in his adorable suit pockets, he strutted confidently…proud of the event…toward me. We had done it! The event was a smashing success. And we did it together. And it was time to party.

From that moment on I knew this was someone I wanted around me all the time. That project set the stage for many other great projects and adventures to come.

CGW: Wow, we kind of love that you debunked the love at first sight concept. It’s like Patti Stenger says, women are fondue pots. You have to add heat SLOWLY or they’ll burn out. And hey, looking at this photo, we are dying to ask you. How do you get your hair to be so long and thick and beautiful and blonde? Seriously, what’s your secret?

A: Have parents with thick, blonde hair genes. Wish I had tips, but it just grows that way!

CGW: Figures! Ok, let’s move on. We want to ask you about some of your favorite things.

Favorite pair of shoes you own?

A: My vintage Goodwill cowboy boots.

CGW: Favorite cocktail?

A:  Old fashioned fall and winter. Portonic winter and spring.

CGW: Favorite wine drinking memory?

A: Sitting cross-legged with Ryan in Sienna’s square…drinking a super Tuscan out of the bottle…munching on floppy slices of pizza…watching Italian teenagers strut their stuff.

CGW: We believe that female friendships basically make the world go round. Who is your best friend?

A: My best girlfriend is the strongest, most amazing woman I know. We bonded in college over sappy travel-related romantic comedies (Only You) and Russian literature (Dostoyevsky). As roommates we stayed up late together as she soldered circuits over and over again for her electrical engineering degree while I drilled verb conjugations for my Spanish degree. She did not run away from law school like me, and she is now a very talented, successful patent and intellectual properties attorney  – kicking ass in an area of law dominated by men. Her career originally took her to Silicon Valley where she met her adorable husband, former Apple computer engineer and current computer game designer.  I am monumentally proud of her.

CGW: So, tell us more about People’s Wine Market and the wine business in general. How did you come up with the idea and how does it work?

A: My first business married my love for wine and my love for Latin America. As a wine importer focusing on Argentinean brands, I wanted a way to get rid of last year’s wines while still maintaining my wine’s reputation. I couldn’t find it…so I decided to start my own and thus, People’s Wine Market was born.

People’s Wine Market is an online outlet for exceptional artisan wines. We taste wineries’ overstock, snag the wines that are actually improving with age rather than turning it to vinegar and sell it online to our customers at discounted pricing – and only $5 shipping per pack.

It is a win-win for everyone. The wineries get rid of their old stuff in a way that saves their reputation, the customer gets deals on the best-of-the-best, and we make a little money.

CGW: We love all of that, and we almost cried when we heard about the $5 shipping. What are your wine shopping tips for the clueless?

A: First, frequent a wine shop (or an online closeout wine website J) with a good reputation. If their wine buyer is good, then you should be happy with anything on their shelf…no matter the price.

I can’t take credit for this second tip. It’s all Ryan’s, and it really does work. Say you’re far away from your trusty wine story. Go to the grocery store or wine shop. Think about how much you want to spend on your bottle. Skim the shelves, then grab the bottle in your price range that has the most bottles taken from the shelf. If it’s on sale, and you have to stand on your tip-toes to snag the last bottle, you know you’re in for a treat. If the locals are snatching it up, it must be worth drinking. We use this method all the time when we travel…and it’s never failed.

[editor's note: Ha! We TOTALLY remember Ryan telling us about this method in grad school]

CGW: How much wine is stored at your house at this very moment?

A: Oh…geez…perhaps 90 bottles. I don’t have a pantry. I have a “wine closet”.

CGW: We think a wine closet is admirable. ADMIRABLE, we say. Hey, when can we come over and how many glasses will you serve us?

A: As much as you want! I have a booze motto: I never push…only pour. If your glass is empty, I’ll put something in it until you say, “STOP!”

CGW: We really, really, really, really like your motto. How do you feel about mixing wine with other things (spritzers, coca-cola, etc)?

A: Thank you for asking this question! I think wine cocktails are in need of a revival. There is a reason the fashionable women in Casablanca ordered champagne cocktails. It’s because they’re delicious! They are low alcohol, so you can drink more of them without getting drunk. They are easy to make, and it’s a great way to use up icky wine. Above I listed one of my favorite drinks as a “portonic”. It’s the national drink of Portugal. Mix one part white port with one part tonic. Serve over ice with a healthy squeeze of lime. It’s light, tasty, and refreshing.

CGW: What is it like to be married to your business partner?

A: It is rewarding and challenging. You can’t go home and complain about your bitchy workmate because…you’re married to him. Your “get work done” self can be much more abrasive than your “snuggling on the couch” self. And it’s hard to switch it on and off without clear boundaries. So we’ve set some rules. No work-talk at the dinner table. No work-talk on our morning walks. Ashley gets a morning all to herself every Friday for some “quiet” time. Etc.

But the rewards, especially with our work, are incredible. For example, instead of going to a wine conference in Venice with a bunch of hobos from work that you don’t like, you get to go with your best friend and partner. Plus there is something fundamentally beautiful about building something together.

CGW: So what makes People’s Wine Market different from some of the other online wine retailers or local shops?

Here are our 6 points.

One, we are tough critics. If it isn’t improving with age, we don’t sell it. If it isn’t of the highest quality, we don’t sell it.

Two, we tell our customers what it tastes like right now. Even if wine is improving with age, it’s changing. After five-six-seven years, old reviews may not accurately describe what it tastes like now. Our reviews do, allowing customers to buy exactly what they like.

Three, we only sell artisan, family-produced, environmentally-friendly wine.

Four, we give people access to new wines. Whether you live in a wine growing region or not, our web-based sales model gives customers access to wines never before available in most communities.

Five, we keep the shipping costs low. Standard shipping is only $5 a pack — always.

Six, we have a unique wine subscription. Similar to a farmer’s produce delivery, we pick the cream of the artisan wine crop, offer it at a screaming bundled discount, and ship it to our customers for free. Customers can choose from monthly or bimonthly deliveries and a mixed or reds-only box.

CGW: We have to say that we think you have an unbeatable business model and we are sincerely impressed. More importantly, we have sampled the wine ourselves and know it to be good!

Follow us later this month when Christie and I sample more of People’s Wine Market wines, sober up, and then blog to tell you all about it!

We’ve all heard our mother’s good natured advice, “You’ll never meet anyone decent at a bar.”  However, when you’re single and you have an infinite number of bars within stumbling distance of your apartment, it is highly likely that on Friday and Saturday nights (and more than likely Wednesdays during SIPS) you and your girlfriends are going to put on your “sexy dresses” and parade into one of those bars.  You’re going to have a few cocktails which will unravel your “Scottish courage,” and eventually you’re going to meet different men.

Now, here comes the fun part: these men that you meet are essentially a lottery.  You may spend your entire night talking to one and realize that not one of the numbers hit, or you could attempt talking to 3 or 4, playing a variety of numbers, hoping to get a small prize such as a free vodka and soda or number exchange.  Truth be told, it is a gamble, and you have to be willing to play the game if you want the chance to win.

Last Friday night, I was willing to play the game.  I thought about it logically, “my friends and I are decent women, we go to bars, so that means decent men must go too.”  I was on a mission: I was going to find that one, normal, attractive, fun, intelligent guy at the bar.  The scene was perfect:  I was wearing my sexy dress, my hair was actually winning the battle against humidity, and most importantly, I was three cocktails in which gave me enough confidence to approach anyone.  After my initial scouting lap (you know, where you pretend you have to use the bathroom,  but you really just want to walk around and see what your options are) I spotted a moderately attractive man in the corner.  We played the eye contact game for a while, you smile, look away, pretend what your girlfriend just said was ridiculously funny, only to look back at him and make sure he is still watching.

When I was just about convinced that he was actually participating in the eye contact game with me, and not the blonde beside me, my entourage decided it was time to leave. However, I am not just a single girl, I am a competitive girl, and I was not leaving that bar without giving Mr. Moderately Attractive my number.  So I persuaded my friends, another round was necessary, and marched my pretty little denim dress right up to him and initiated a conversation.

What ensued in that conversation, I can’t actually recall, it was Friday night, I was out with my girlfriends, many cocktails were consumed. But my slightly intoxicated instincts told me he was attractive, he didn’t have two heads, and he could carry on a conversation, he was definitely worthy of my digits.  With that being said, contact information was exchanged, “Ryan Irishpub” was entered into my phone, and plans to hang out later that week were discussed.

After leaving the bar, I felt a moment of gratitude to the bar gods, there was a possibility that I had just met a decent guy at the bar. I must admit, some of my optimism may have been triggered by the vodka and soda, but I’ll take what I can get. After departing, I received the obligatory “It was nice meeting you and will get in contact with you later this week,” text. At this point, I figured it was about a 50/50 chance he would actually get in contact with me later that week, but “Ryan Irishpub,” true to his words, surprised me and after several text messages exchanges (some which may even be considered witty), he extended  an invitation to meet for a drink later that week.

So have I successfully done what the odds and my mother said was impossible?  Have I successfully met a decent guy at the bar?  TBD. I will keep you posted as I strut towards the next big gamble: the first date.

(photo credit)

“God it’s a shame we aren’t lesbians.”

(hey, if we were the same height, that could almost sorta kind be us!)

And I’m willing to bet that most women reading this have said the same about a friend at one point or another. Am I right?

Christie is a decorating genius and can make a plate of spaghettios look like a delicacy. I’m a great cook and can usually be convinced to whip up any meal of Christie’s choosing.  Christie has big, brave, exciting ideas. I’m the serious one who talks out the details. When Christie and I attend a party, I point out who I want to meet and Christie introduces us. Christie’s front of house. I’m back of house. Christie’s an opener. I’m a closer.

She’s the yin to my yang.

(and let’s be frank, you know our wedding would kick ass)

Over the years, we’ve seen a lot of stuff come and go. Men, apartments, jobs, health problems, even our countries of residence! We’ve even argued, brooded, and given each other the stink eye on one or more occasions. But we’ve never faltered. We’ve never questioned our foundation. Through it all, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, the thread between us is always there.

So we asked ourselves, why is it that friendships so often outlast relationships? And here is the list of 3 reasons that we (well, mostly Christie) came up with:

1. Friendships are pure. We become friends with people through a shared joy and common love of life, or connection, or just being on the same page. Whereas, sometimes we date people to fill a void, because we’re lonely, or for a variety of other reasons.

2. We expect less. Friendships so often feel like the bonus, the outlet, and the supplement to life where a romantic partner is expected to play the primary role (partner, therapist, nurse, accountant, lover, co-parent, etc, etc, etc). If boyfriends play the leading men, friends play supporting actress.

3. We have different friends to fill different needs. We don’t put all our eggs in one basket with our friendships the way we do with our romances. We have happy hour friends.  Friends with benefits for those times when you need something-something but are not yet ready to date.  We have  friends for the moment. Friends forever.  Television Friends. Activity Friends. Imaginary Friends (shut up. It’s a sign of genius). Old friends who remember who you were, and remind you when you lose yourself. New friends who see you as you are now, and don’t know the struggles that got you there (or that your hair used to be brown).

So never, ever, let yourself give into the fear or worry of being lonely. Romantic love is an amazing gift and one that everyone should experience. It’s truly better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. We believe that. But we also believe that friendship is a form of love too (without the sex!) and with one or two of those in your life, you will never ever be alone.

Although its week 3 since I got a bike and starting riding, Tuesday was supposed to be the official kick-off of one month commuting to work. I was thinking of it for weeks and then I was really inspired when I read this awesome post last week challenging new cyclists to 30 days of commuting.

Unfortunately, it rained Tuesday. And yesterday. And today. And it will rain tomorrow. This stinks. In the meantime, I thought I’d share a bit about the route that I take to and from work.

Bike commuting is obviously this brand new scary thing for me and I feel like I’ve entered a foreign culture. I lived in Europe for 5 years so this is not my first experience being the wide-eyed outsider who’s desperate to avoid embarrassment and happy just to blend in without being noticed. But this is yet another group of people with customs, etiquette, wardrobe, and vocabulary. Just last week I passed a runner on the bike path wearing a shirt that read “I <3 Fiber.”

Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

I ride 6.7 miles to work (and yes, 6.5 miles back).  And each leg takes me between 35-45 minutes but I hope I can improve my time after a few weeks. Although I have lived in my house for over 3 years, its only in the last week that I have fully comprehended its position on top of a bluff above a river valley. So 75% of my commute is on this majestic stretch of park along the Schuylkill River (that’s pronounced Skoo-Kill for the non-native Philadelphians out there) and 25% is on a killer hill.

The majestic park and river view is pictured above.  Glorious, no?! (though today probably entirely flooded)

The hill is pictured below. Wah-wahhhhh.

When you think bike-friendly city, you probably don’t think Philadelphia but (apparently) you would be wrong. Bicycle commuting increased 151% in Philadelphia between 2000 and 2009, according to the U.S. Census Bureau and a recent report lists the city as having the most bike commuters per capita. Our mayor is dedicated to making Philly one of the most bike-friendly cities in the country. And judging by my own commute, things aren’t bad. But he’s still got a little ways to go.

And there are still plenty of people who are not so keen on the idea. Like this unpleasant woman writing for Philly Magazine (I still seethe thinking about it). And of course there are those flash mobs occasionally throwing rocks at cyclists along the very same bike path I now use… So, let’s be clear that getting on top of 2 wheels comes with very real risks.

But it’s fun too. And freeing.

My previous commute involved a bus and subway (or a train) and averaged 25-45 minutes –timing at the mercy of the Septa gods. It’s not an unusual day if I have to wait 15-20 minutes for a missing bus, if a very large person’s thighs spill over their seat and squash me into mine (if I get a seat), or if I witness small children eating Doritos and blue juice for breakfast on the subway. My Septa commute takes me through the ghetto. It’s illuminating, heart breaking, and sometimes spiritually draining.

My new commute is full of joggers, walkers, stroller pushers, and of course cyclists. Bike Snob NYC has already a famously good job at cataloging the many different bike riders on the road. That makes me a “beautiful godzilla” –the type whose dainty bike and equipment suggest no regard for safety though I assure you that safety and function are actually big priorities for me –no matter how pretty (very…) my bike might be.

There are plenty of other commuters out there each morning, recognizable by their black flat bar bikes, practical pannier bags, short sleeved collared shirts, and look of hurry in their eyes. And of course the road cyclists, like my boyfriend. I’ve come to know them by the buzzing sound that approaches from behind and gets louder until you feel a whoosh and then see a blur of lycra pass you on the left.

I will say that I am surprised at how few women I see on the path in the morning, at least on bikes. In the evening, on the ride home, I see a ton of women running and jogging but still very few on bikes. And pretty much no other cruisers in the rush hour scene.

Right now everyone is faster than me. At least everyone on 2 wheels. I do pass the joggers and runners. Sure, sure, you say. That’s expected. Well, when you are as slow as me, its exciting to pass someone, anyone. And I feel bad for those poor foot-pounders out there. They’re huffing, puffing, and sweating and I sail past them effortlessly. Winning!

Next time, I’ll tell you about my first (2!) flat tires and the wee wee teeny bit of progress I might be making in getting up that hill.

About 2 weeks ago, my bicycle distributor (aka boyfriend) surprised me by breaking into my place of residence and leaving the bike at the foot of the stairs in the style of Santa Claus. Except that instead of waking up to see it beneath the tree, I arrived home thinking that the out-of-place curtains were a sign that a thief had broken into my home.

I abruptly called my sister, alerted her of the possible intruder, and kept her on the phone as I tentatively made my way inside. After fumbling with the keys, I pulled aside the curtains in the entryway and THIS was revealed!

I promptly screamed at the top of my lungs in surprised delight until my sister started screaming back in obvious horror, “What’s HAPPENING? Oh my god. Oh my god. I’m calling 911!”

When I told her I was screaming in happiness because of the bike surprise, she responded (and I quote) “f*@k you, I thought you were being murdered.”

This embarrassingly beautiful bike is a Fuji Cambridge 8 speed cruiser. Steel frame, gold bars, fenders, and back rack. And an internal gear hub. It’s insanely cute, stable, and rides like a (really pretty) tank.

To be truthful, I preferred the men’s version which comes in a more classic shade of navy blue with silver details and brown leather trim. But I am a midget and needed the smallest size in womens as it was. And women’s only comes in this one color combination. But let’s face it, it’s a good excuse to have this much bling.

THE GEAR

In the time leading up to the bike’s arrival, I found it really hard not to order everything I liked online. Bike accessories –a whole new world!!!!! Panniers, messenger bags, baskets, lights, bells, and whistles (ok, there are no whistles, I just wanted to say whistles). But fitness-minded friends persuaded me to wait and try out the bike first so that I could see what might work best for me.

Happily, my bike already comes equipped with fenders, a chain guard, and a back rack. But as a bike commuter, what would I carry my stuff in?

Cargo: I’ve noticed that just about every other commuter out there (and that’s like 90% men by the way) is carrying a messenger bag. I’m not wholly opposed to them but I don’t like the weight imbalance and I have too much to carry. I might consider a small purse size messenger for essential items but I’m also thinking about getting a handle-bar purse (that’s right, purse). Next idea was a wire basket to sit on the back rack (the BF said he would not be seen with me if I added a wicker basket to the bike). But after a few days of riding, I think that would be too heavy and too bulky (gets in the way of bike racks, etc) and lacks versatility. As a low budget trial solution, I purchased a cargo net with hooks and that makes it easy to secure any type of bag onto the rack. However, it takes a ridiculous amount of time to get the bag centered, place all the hooks, re-hook them to be sure its tight, etc. And usually its just about then that I remember that I forgot to put the bike lock in and so I have to start the unpacking and repacking all over again.

Finally, I decided that a dedicated rack bag would be ideal for me. One that has attachments on the bottom that make for “easy on” and “easy off” the rack. But go ahead, do a google search on rack bags. They’re ugly. And they’re black. And even the fashion illiterate can see that black does not go with my bike. Luckily, somewhere out in Chicago land, there are 2 brilliant women who created Po Campo bags and married the beauty of a purse to the functionality of a bike bag. Behold! I’ve ordered the Logan Tote Bag (as pictured above) and it arrives TODAY!

Apparel: The first time I rode to work, I put “workout shorts” under my dress and thought that would suffice. Wrong. I am too out of shape and sweat too much to pull that off for now.  One day maybe I will be riding in a skirt and heels like Barb of BikeStyleSpokane (she is like, my new role model). But for now, I’m re-purposing my yoga clothes and find they are working out rather nicely. Capri leggings, tank, and zip-up for colder mornings –and then changing into work appropriate clothes once I get to the office

Footwear: I started out wearing my Birkenstocks (they’re cute ones, I promise) and felt quite good in those. The foot bed is comfy and the sole gives me good traction. But then a few people observed them with alarm, telling me that I was running a risk of losing the shoe entirely (they are slides) and/or getting a toe crushed. So today, I rode in my Jambus that I’d originally bought for my trip to Belgium this past Spring (for long city walks aka sight-seeing). And they worked just as well.

Accessories: Lights? A bell? A new helmet? A new lock? Right now, I’m riding with my brother-in-law’s retired racing helment. Oh, did I mention that he is also an elite amateur road bike racer? And I’d like one that fits my head better and is less “sporty” (without sacrificing safety, naturally).

Lord knows what I will want when the weather gets cooler. We’ll save that for another post.

So what do you wear on YOUR bike? Am I missing anything?

But every now and then we decide that we can no longer keep silent about crimes that are perpetrated by dating disasters who try to disguise themselves as approved dating citizens. Let us not stand by! No — let us instead pass JUDGMENT. Yes, judgment on all things terrible and wrong. Men, read our list and ABIDE BY IT!

1. If you have been on more than three dates with a woman, and crossed over into “special evening time” then YOU CAN’T BREAK UP WITH HER VIA DISAPPEARANCE.  We call it the Ghost Man. Others call it the Cop Out. After 6 or 7 dates, simply vanishing is NOT ok.  If she’s slept over, then she deserves to some form of break up speech, note, or messenger pigeon. She shouldn’t have to track you down to ask what is going on. If you are that much of a coward then you shouldn’t be dating anyone. Our advice: stick to one night stands so you can leave while it is still dark.

2. If you invite a lady out to dinner, then please treat her as you would a friend or family member, i.e. do not take calls while eating, make inappropriate comments, or attempt to touch her in places that would get you arrested while at the dinner table. Our advice: keep your phone off and your hands where everyone can see ‘em.

3.  In a first date situation, please do not: a) ask the lady out via text with the ill-fated words “do you want to hang out?” and b) when she replies in the affirmative respond with “ok, well what do you want to do?”  If you want to ask a lady out, pick up the phone or send a follow up email with options.  Say something like: “I know you like Italian, what about going to x restaurant or y restaurant for dinner?” Or “I heard about a new exhibit at the American History museum, how about we go check it out and then have some ice cream on the Mall?” A lady likes to feel like the gentleman in question put some thought into the date, she does not like to be involved in an endless text exchange that is annoying.  Our advice: if you have no plan and don’t understand what the little phone icon on your cell phone means, you are not ready to date. Seriously.

4. If you initiate an exclusivity talk — then you are, in fact, exclusive! Don’t do it if you aren’t ready — no one is forcing you here.  Are we standing over you holding a gun to your head? NO! We are not even commenting from our couch most of the time.  So, you decide when/if it is appropriate.  But if you do initiate that most serious conversation, then we must insist that abide by it. Or if you really cannot find yourself in the right frame of mind, talk with her about your concerns or reasons as to why you don’t think you are ready for a monogamous commitment.  Yes, novel idea that one. Our advice: talk is, in fact, cheap.  Therefore, pick up the phone/bullhorn/glass messenger bottle, and go for it.

5. Dating is not a game.  If you like her, you like her.  Stop playing by some rules of some book that requires you wait 3 days to call her back.  Have confidence in yourself to show that you like her, and call her when you want to, not when “the game” tells you to.  Our advice: if you can’t be yourself, then why are you dating in the first place?

So there you have it gentle readers — our latest efforts at being Miss Manners.  What dating disaster advice do you have?

(Photo Credit)