Over the holidays, I experienced a true Christmas miracle.  No, it did not come in the form of a fat man in a red suit, nor did it have anything to do with the fact that I made it through an entire Christmas dinner without getting the third degree on why at 27, I was still committing the cardinal sin of singlehood.  Instead, it happened on a random Wednesday night, when I was out grabbing a beer at the local bar with some from friends.  And it came in the form of man, a very cute man, who casually sent me a flirtatious wave across the bar.  I accepted the wave as an invitation to start a conversation, and within a few minutes I was divvying out my digits; three days later, I had a date.

I feel that outcomes of first dates can usually be determined within the first five minutes.  I like to put my first dates on the traditional elementary school grading scale.

U- unsatisfactory: Non entertaining and often uncomfortable in which case you down your drink, make up an excuse, and abort mission as soon as possible.

S- satisfactory: Where the masses fall, interesting enough to hold a conversation but not a soul shaker. You let the date run its course, maybe allow him to kiss you goodnight, and even consider a second round if it happens to be a particular dry season in your dating life.

O- outstanding: The elitist, easy to talk to and a true connection is formed.  Unfortunately, finding the good “Os” are few and far between…( Just the same as the other elusive “O” we all search for) but these are the rare dates you don’t want to leave, where you don’t check your cell phone for the time, and when you really wish you would have taken the extra ten minutes to put yourself together, because for once, you actually care about impressing this guy.

For the first time in a very long time, I had found myself on a true “O” date.  Maybe it was the fact that he told me his dream vacation would be through India and Southeast Asia, the same getaway I often fantasize about.  Or it could be that he openly admitted to being an avid Ninja Turtle fan and seemed impressed when I told him that was my previous Halloween costume.  But I think what sealed the deal was when, in the middle of a conversation, he simply leaned across the table, kissed me, and his only explanation was that he “had to do it.”

Over the next 72 hours, I went to great lengths to get to know Mr. O. I brought in 2012 with him and his closest high school friends.  I took him to a New Year’s Day party where I introduced him to my tight knit group of coworkers.  I even shared beers with his father (who shared the same attractiveness and great sense of humor) over an Eagles game.  It was pretty much a relationship on crack.  We went from not knowing each other, to meeting each other’s closest family and friends over a three day span.  It may sound crazy, but for some reason it felt completely natural. But everyone knows, no great high can last forever and just like that, he was gone. On a plane back to his home in Denver, Colorado.

Yes, my “O+” lives in Colorado. Of course he does, it makes perfect sense. The only guy I have been genuinely interested in past year lives 1,747 miles away.

So now what?  When I was 12 I received some wisely advice from my friend’s grandmother that has stuck with me the past 15 years, “No man is worth going to the outhouse for,” and while at 27 I am still completely confused by that statement, I believe the sentiment is that no man is worth a great deal of effort .  But, even with the advent of indoor plumbing, I don’t know if I agree with that either.

I believe it is extremely rare to find someone with whom you have true chemistry and despite the fact my new friend lives nearly 2,000 miles away, this has been one of the healthiest starts to a relationship I’ve had in a long time. We have mastered every form of communication (minus Facebook: refer to Facebook Friend or Foe…I follow my own advice) that this great year of 2012 has to offer.  Between text messages, free long distance calls, Skype, email, gchat, and the traditional snail mail, I have had a sincere opportunity to get to know him. Even though I can’t physically see him, the more I get to know him, the more my interest grows.  Obviously the physical aspect is lacking, but in all honesty, maybe that’s a good thing for now.  To be fair, when you reach a certain age, many relationships are created almost primarily on the fact that you have good sexual chemistry with your partner. We’ve all confused good sex for a good relationship. I mean let’s face it, we’re animals, we like to get naked with one another, and if we can find someone with whom we can do that on a regular basis, that’s awesome. However, finding someone you enjoy actually talking to for hours at a time? That is rare.  And if and when you do find that person, I don’t think it’s fair to completely rule them out due to the simple inconvenience of location.

So, maybe some men are worth going to the outhouse for?   Or at least booking a ticket across the nation to see?  I mean after all…

“In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.”

Colorado here I come.

Yes. YES. We know you understand.  See, the working theory here at CG Central is that both parties know in advance.  There is a moment when you realize that you are in love with the person you are dating, and usually in that moment you go: “oooooohhh” but you don’t say anything….yet.  You hold onto it because you aren’t sure of the other person’s feelings, you don’t want to move to fast, it’s a really odd time. Whatever the reason…you hold back.  But should it matter who says it first? If two parties love each other then isn’t everything kosher regardless of the three words of potential doom?

Well, we are tired of debating.  We throw in the very small towel and ask you, dear readers, to decide.  You tell us: Boy or Girl — does it matter who says I love you first?

Maybe you are one of those sprightly, chirpy folks who I read about on my Facebook feed as I lay in bed, squinting at my phone, willing myself to get out of bed. You know, the ones that are doing 5 mile runs at 5 am, running off to the gym before work, marveling over their new cold weather gear, and generally euphoric about their level of energy?

*yawn*

You know who you are.

Or, maybe you are like me. One of us who trudge through winter by oversleeping, fantasizing about warm weather, and getting by on a diet of coffee and beer. Yes, some of us see January as a cruel reminder that the holidays are over, snow is on its way, and WORSE,….

………………………another birthday looms on the calendar.

In my 30-something camp, birthday dread seems to be echoing all over the place (besides the cavern inside my own head).  I think it’s partly the reality of the New Year settling in for people. And that giant gong of reality is that much louder for those of us with birthdays early in the year.

What’s interesting? Of the friends that come to mind (all of whom are staring down birthdays in their mid-30s), the stage of life doesn’t seem to matter. I have married friends fretting about the timeline to have a baby. Coupled friends worrying over the timeline for getting engaged. And of course, single friends worrying about finding a partner before “time runs out.”

Why oh why do we put ourselves on a stop watch? Where does this come from?

I certainly can’t tackle every one of the fears that goes into these “anxiety clocks” but let me address the one that is most familiar to me –the “time is running out to find love” clock that plagues many single 30-something women.

As it turns out, I am not single but I know a thing or two about it…. So, right now I am stretching myself as tall as possible in my big-girl shoes, hands on hips, and using my best big-sister voice (that still only makes me about 5′3″). ……..Ready?

“You are still YOUNG and there is no deadline.”

Sit down. I’m not done yet. Let’s go through some of the age-fearing obstacles (or presumed obstacles) that I have been hearing from friends lately. I’d like to debunk them one by one..

Obstacle #1: I’ll Run out of Time to Have Kids

Firstly, you’re SURE you want kids, right? I’m just asking, cause we’re all susceptible to chasing after things we’re told we may not be able to have. Ok, ok, you do want kids. Well, let me remind you (and myself) that your biological clock is not the only act in town. It’s just not.

1. For one, there are oodles of treatments now that can prolong fertility well into the 40s. Don’t make me name them. That’s what Google is for.

2. I just met a couple in their 40s who couldn’t conceive and got donor eggs and sperm implanted. The wife is now having twins. She is carrying them but, genetically, they are not hers or her husbands. This is crazy sci-fi stuff but we’re living it now. In fact, it’s big business and it’s getting cheaper.

3. Adoption.

4. You may well meet a man who already has kids (widowed or divorced) and THEN you could be a part-time mom. Divorced moms, please don’t kill me but, is this not sorta genius? I mean if can’t decide to have a kid or not, why not get in on some part-time kid raising action?! Hey, it’s a LOT less responsibility and you get to become the evil archetype of step-mom (but seriously, I do find this sort of appealing, is it just me?)

Obstacle #2: Being Single is “Brutal”

This phrase is plucked straight from a recent email from a friend who described herself as “brutally single.”

Little sister, it is time to change your language and pronto! There is nothing brutal or even really “single” about you. I don’t say that to dismiss your loneliness but to change the way you perceive yourself. Because, honey, there are plenty of committed gals who would LOVE the kind of action that single girls like you get. The variety, the dinners out, the late nights, the exciting sex (if you choose to partake, let’s face it, the offers are there). I know that the frivolities of dating are no match for the warm security of a long-term relationship but, let’s not be so quick to overlook the perks, mm-kay?

Obstacle #3: I’m Unlovable.

Again, this is your brain leading you REALLY far astray. Get tough on that brain and make it fall in line, dammit!

You’ve already BEEN “loved like that.” And more than once . Love is not a “stop” button. You don’t find it and then coast into the sunset. Love comes in and out of your life –sometimes with the same person, sometimes with different people. You’ve had it. You will have it again. You already know that you are loveable. It’s already been proven.

Yes, a partnership brings enormous wealth and stability in your life. You’ve had some of that too, and certainly even more was offered to you. Maybe you weren’t always ready —whether that was your stage of life or the person IN your life. Either way, those opportunities will present themselves to you again. And you will appreciate it when you find it, just like I did. Going on your own awhile will help you value it when you choose to align your life with someone else’s –and take all the risks associated with intertwining your fates.

Obstacle #4: It will take “forever” to find love.

It won’t take forever but it might take a long time. Or it might happen on Tuesday. Love is not common. It sure isn’t. And there are a LOT of near misses out there which make it even harder to find the gems. But the gems are there and you get better at identifying them with age (usually!). You can’t predict when you’ll find it. You just have to keep looking. Make your search for love a big priority. Just make sure its not the only priority or you’ll be pinning your happiness to something that you cannot control. Just like once you HAVE a relationship, you need to balance it with other things because love does not dictate your happiness. It just compliments it.

There is no deadline for finding love. And there is no one person who fulfills it. Remove these two pressure-cooking ideas from your mind and the resulting relief you’ll feel is staggering. When you’re ready to cohabitate/marry/procreate, finding the right kind of person as your co-pilot is worth the wait. It’s so much better than fitting a square peg into a round hole just to beat your biological clock.

Wouldn’t you prefer to wait as long as it takes to find a deep, committed, complex, exciting, and challenging partner and go through whatever steps necessary to become parents rather than find someone now that will give you children but always cause you that wiggly little doubt?

Find the person who you want to be by your side at the end of a really crappy day when you shut all the doors and switch off the lights. The rest, as they say, will follow.

Meantime, enjoy all the other many things life has to offer –work, future planning, friends, travel, dating, and the occasional fling –so many other sources of love. You will thank yourself later when your husband is watching football and you are paging through the newest In Touch magazine Trust me.

What is it?

A party during the darkest time of year. When the holidays are over, the new year’s resolutions have already been forgotten, and it seems like spring will never come.  It is a chance to let go of something that is holding you back, to leave something behind in the most literally brilliant way possible – by setting it on fire.  And by doing so, you take something dark in your life and turn it into light.

Follow the hashtag #darkonfire and for more info, click here.

The dirty secret of relationships is that they are WORK.  And after communication, romance seems to be the thing that requires the most conscious effort in our opinion. Soooo…that is the first thing. Romance takes work on BOTH sides.  However, it doesn’t have to be a LOT of work.  In fact, with a few ideas/mechanisms in place, romance can happen fairly easily.

For Him:

1. Read our article on seduction and follow it!

2. Women want to feel noticed, beautiful, and appreciated. We want to feel this way through gifts, words, touches, or looks — and THEN we will get turned on. We’ve said it before and we will say it again: You must start the fire to feel the heat.  Follow our formula and you will get laid.  So — ideas that might work (you know her best, so use your judgment):

a. Bring home a single rose (gift), tell her you were thinking about her (words) and you wanted to give her something beautiful, and give her a long sexy kiss.  Not a peck, a deep and loving kiss.  And then tell her she is beautiful while looking into her eyes (look).  Then relax and walk away (no pressure this way) — you have laid the foundation for later that night!

b. Send her a flirty text (words) during the day.  The same type of text that you might send early in the relationship. Examples: “Thinking of how sexy/beautiful/gorgeous you looked this morning.”  “Can’t wait to kiss you tonight.” “Thinking about taking off what you are wearing right now” etc etc. You get the idea!

c. Come home and cook a surprise nice dinner (gift!), as you pour her a glass of wine give her a deep kiss (touch!) and maybe run your hands suggestively down her back (touch). Tell her you’ve been thinking about her all day (words) and then keep up light touches while you serve her dinner. This will get her excited, fired up, and ready to seduce you.  See?

d. When you walk into the room to meet her, or come home after work and she is already home, grab her into a deep hug (touch), dip her if you are adventurous, and kiss her (lips, face, neck, gentleman’s choice).  Then tell her you have missed her (words) and set her down.  Meaningful looks and touches for the rest of the evening should seal the deal!

For Her:

1. Guys need loving too – but they are slightly more visual/direct than we are.  Putting on lipstick, heels, or whatever you know he likes is always a good start (visual).

2. Send him a flirty text, but use imagery.  “Can’t wait to see you tonight — I’ll give you three guesses as to what I’m wearing.” “Just wanted to let you know that I’m wearing my red heels tonight…” “I want you. Now.”

3. Use your feminine wiles.  Come up behind him and kiss his neck, and then run your hands down his back while saying something suggestive (fill in the blank/see above suggestions). Or run your hands down his front .  Either way, he’ll feel the love (direct touch).

4. Be direct. Say exactly what you want from him, what you want to do to him, or what you want to do together. Do this in email, text, or out loud (whisper in a crowded restaurant before the bill comes, sneak up on him at the bar, or even at home etc).

Together:

1. Set a date night regularly (every week?) and stick to it. On date night focus on each other. Go out and have sexy conversation. Dress up if that is your thing.  Flirt, kiss, and build up some anticipation for what will happen later. But take this time for your relationship and focus on romance.

2. Be kind to each other. Little gifts like doing her laundry, cooking him dinner, sending a thoughtful small present (flowers? Chocolate? Peanut butter?) and notes reminding how much you love each other will help keep the romance alive when you are both in the mood. Heck, it will help KEEP you in the mood.

3. Respect each other, but especially with your words.  Jokes, play and other stuff is all fun.  But make sure that you temper your words – nothing turns a woman off more than being told she’s “put on some tire rubber” “looks a little plump” or just “looks fine.”  Alternatively, rubbing a man’s belly and asking to talk to Buddha is a great way to discourage sex from his end.

4. Finally, communicate! If he doesn’t know what you like (or what you don’t!) then how can he meet your expectations? Same for her — if he doesn’t seduce you/touch you/cuddle with you enough to light the fire, then tell him, but do so with curiousity and respect.  Instead of “Why do you always do this wrong?!!” try “I notice you like it this way, and I’m curious as to why — can you tell me?”

Couples – weigh in! What works for you?

It’s normal and not altogether undesirable to idealize your new crush. In fact, I’d say that a preoccupation with the perfectness of your new guy (or girl) is a central part of the falling in love process. Short change yourself in that area, and you’ve found yourself a very nice friend.

This kind of love-blindness is also the reason why many of us have felt duped at one time or another, usually around the 1-3 month marker, when the object of our affection turns out not to be Prince Charming but instead a manipulative asshole or, worse!, just an average normal person.

But when we make it past the trial period and establish a deeper connection with someone, it doesn’t mean we immediately lose those romanticized notions about our partner. Sure, they deepen. And sure we know that they fart in their sleep and sometimes wear the same socks for 2 or 3 days. We know they have foibles and annoying habits. But we still have grand ideas about their being better than anyone we’ve dated before. We still forget sometimes (selectively) that they led lives before we came along. We prefer not to think of them having deep flaws, scars, or dirty secrets. We prefer not to think that they have ever lied, hurt someone, or done something less than honorable.

But they have. Just as we have. Because to be human is to err, right?

Going deeper with a person and establishing real and lasting intimacy means accepting raw, naked honesty –including those dark unpleasant parts that we”d rather not think about. Furthermore, it means offering the same of ourselves.

I don’t mean that we have to bare every mundane secret of our lives in order to bond our souls. We know which secrets count. We know which ones our partner needs to know, in order to know us. And some of the dark bits are not told. They are stumbled upon. Like an old love letter in a shoe box, a story about our partner told second-hand, or a sixth sense.

Mutual acceptance of our shortcomings (the shameful ones) will tarnish the shine on a young relationship. Maybe we learn that our partner cheated in his last relationship. Maybe he’s discovered that we were once hospitalized for a suicide attempt. Maybe one or both of us has deep seated doubts about the sustainability of monogamy. These are hard truths to accept but learning them, understanding them, and accepting them –this process is the most powerful method of truly knowing another person.

If we want a battle-tested relationship that can weather every storm, our best weapon is exercising gritty, salty, in-your-face intimacy. All shiny objects tarnish. Only the strong ones last. Count every scratch and ding with pride.

Behold!

1. Yes, we did do an entire article on seduction. And men, we expect you to read it! (Yes, you will score if you do!)

2. Then there was that moment around thanksgiving that we got all sentimental and put our “bah-humbugs” in the closest for just a short amount of time.  Don’t worry, our snark is back in full force!

3.  Then there was that whole conversation we had about living together. And yes, people had huge reactions to that!

4. Not to mention Jess’s declaration that she was looking for love, AND a unicorn.

5. Then we were feeling hilarious about weddings — the “Royal” one in particular.

6. And finally, Christie grabbed a bottle of wine and pretended to be Jess for a bit. And here is what happened with that. Definitely the BEST dating advice in history!

And with that, we say goodbye to 2011. We do so with a smile, a wave, and firm kick in the pants. Au revoir!

Since the beginning of relationships the term “break-up” has always had a negative connotation attached to it. We’ve all been there. We’ve all heard the mourning of others over our lost relationships,    “OH, I’m so sorry,” or “You can do so much better,” and how can we forget “There are other fish in the sea.”

So as a single girl, who has experienced her fair share of break-ups, I’m here to say that break-ups don’t have to be necessarily bad, in fact, break-ups can sometimes even be good.

With that being said, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve had bad break-ups.  I’ve had my heart stomped on, I’ve kept “It’s Called a Break-Up Because It’s Broken,” beside my bed and read it as if it was the bible.  I’ve even showed up at my ex’s door at 3am, hoping the stench of tequila on my breath and the smear of mascara under my eyes would win him back.  But, as I’ve aged, and (hopefully)matured, I’ve decided to start looking at the positive side of things, and  I’ve come to the conclusion that break-ups actually have their benefits.

So here they are, drum roll please, the top 5 benefits of a break-up.

Number 5- You finally get the whole bed back.

Now this benefit should not be under estimated.  I know many happy couples who will openly admit that often they prefer a good dose of R.E.M as opposed to a wild night of passion.  When it’s just you in the bed, you never have to worry about getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, tossing and turning when you have something on your mind, or staying in a parallel position all night long.  The bed is all yours, so you are free to sleep diagonally, mumble at your pleasure, and even turn the light on in the middle of the night to finish a good book.  This is a sign of true freedom.

Number 4- Break-ups give you the opportunity to reconnect with friends.

I am currently the closest to my friends that I have been in a very long time, and I proudly contribute it to my singlehood.  When you are unattached, you have the time to maintain the relationships with your friends and make new ones.  Whether it is a nightly phone conversation, weekly dinner exchange, or a trip out of town to drink like you are back in college, more free time gives you more friend time.  As much as we hate to admit, and promise ourselves we will never be “those girls,” when we are in a relationship our friendships inevitably suffer.  We often forget that our friendships should be just as important as a relationship with a significant other, and they deserve our attention too.

Number 3- Break ups give you the opportunity to go fishing…

Get your rod, get your bait and hook (AKA get your purse, single girlfriends, and favorite cute skirt) and head out on the town to cast a line.  I must say there is something so invigorating about going out on a Friday night with no commitments, not the slightest clue of what is going to happen, and an open playing field to meet anyone. When you’re single you have the opportunity to meet other singles everywhere.  It’s like we’re dogs and can sniff each other out by our scents.  Although we may not always meet our Romeo, we can at the very least find someone to share a laugh with, make a new friend, or meet someone who will make an awesome story to tell your friends. (Please refer to blog 2- The First Date Blues)

Number 2- Break ups give you the opportunity to get to know yourself…

This is one of the most significant benefits of a break-up.  Three years ago I moved to this wonderful city with my long term boyfriend, he was going to grad school at Penn, I was starting a new job, we were beginning a life together and we were going to live happily ever after, or so I thought.  Within two months of relocating, our relationships came to a screeching halt, and I was devastated. (Yes, this is where the 3am tequila rendezvous ensued).

So after a few months of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I started doing things on my own again.  I realized I actually preferred going to the grocery store solo, I dug out my running shoes and started seriously training, I actually started enjoying yoga, and met an entire new group of incredible friends.  As much as I hate to admit it, when I was in that relationship I totally lost track of who I was and what I enjoyed.  I was too worried about trying to make him happy and becoming who he wanted me to be. We were spending nearly all of our free time together, and neither of us was getting the opportunity to create ourselves in this new city.

Break ups force use to be on our own, which forces us to gain a better understanding of what we enjoy and need.   Almost every single one of my friends who has been through a traumatic breakup has become a better person because of it.  As Tyler Durden says, “It’s only when we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

Number 1- Break ups occur because something is broken.

This by far the most obvious, yet the most important reasons a break up can be a positive thing.  If you’re experiencing a break up, it’s because either you or your partner are not happy in the current situation. You can stop walking on eggshells around one another, you can avoid the over aggressive attempts to try and please him, it’s over, and you’re free to be yourself.  Besides, why would you ever want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you?  Being happy and content on your own is the greatest feelings you can have and you will never experience it if you keep yourself locked down in an unhappy relationship.  The best revenge you can ever have on the person who broke your heart is moving on from them and becoming a better person because of it.

So yes indeed, Break-ups can be a good thing. So forget the negative connotation, and replace it with a positive one, break-ups mean breaking free, breaking out, and breaking through.

Dear 2011 Economy,

It’s so over, we need a new word for over (credit: Carrie Bradshaw). And I don’t mean “over” like we’ll remain friends or you’ll still get a Christmas card from me. When I say over, I mean I never want to see your face again. I hope you shrivel up and die, cold and alone.

To say our relationship was toxic barely scratches the surface of the abuse you inflicted on me in our time together. And to be brutally honest, economy, if I wasn’t trapped by circumstances I would have left you long, long ego.

Allow me to name just a few of the injustices I have suffered because of you.

1. That house I bought, you know the one I got a great price on? The one with the “built-in equity?” You remember how you said, “a house is a great investment because your mortgage never goes up but your paycheck does?” Well that was a bold-faced lie and we both know it. Thanks to you, I’m “upside down” in my house now which is a nice way of saying that its worth less than I owe.

2. Due to “severe budget cutbacks,” you froze my salary this year.

3. You also froze my professional development budget, so no more conferences in cool occasionally decent cities across the US.

4. You raised city property tax, thereby increasing my monthly mortgage payment.

5. You increased my health insurance premium.

In case you lost track, that means that I paid out more in bills and received less in my paycheck in 2011 than I did in 2010. And for that, I’d like to bite your face  –if you had a face.

Good bye 2011 economy. It’s over. Don’t call me. Don’t email me. And don’t try to refriend me on Facebook. We are done. DONE.

I know I am not the only one who fell victim to this asshole of an economy. Tell me about what it’s done to YOU in the comments.

Love, Courtship, Marriage

When I was a little girl my relationships were so easy. A boy would decide he had a crush on me, or vice versa, and instinctively we would ignore each other forever.

In high school, any “boyfriend” I had basically meant make-out buddy. Lunch breaks, passing periods, detention; you name it and I was lip locked…It was a simpler time.

It wasn’t until college when the idea of “dating” became so much more complicated. If a girl so much as glanced at a guy, territory had been marked and he was off limits.

I had gone to college with a “boyfriend” of sorts and everyone took my relationship so much more serious than I had. My floor mates asked me constantly how my boyfriend “felt” about everything I did. If I went out to a club/dinner, the question was always, “Is (insert name of my ex) okay with that?”

This kind of heightened reverence for boyfriends and girlfriends made me start to look at relationships and dating in a whole new light. It conditioned me to apply more emotional weight to the relationships that I had with men. If I started to date a guy it wasn’t before long that I wanted to know what it meant, where we were going, and what he considered our “label” to be. Making things “official” was the goal in and of itself, far beyond making a connection.

For two reasons this way of thinking has long since vanished. One: I realized it is batsh** crazy and a huge turn-off. Two: it allowed me no time to find out if the person I was trying to “tie-down” was even someone I wanted to be with.

I can’t tell you how many of my girlfriends meet a guy and within two-three weeks, change their Facebook profile to “in a relationship” and fill my newsfeed with couple’s pictures. Really? The person you drunkenly met at a bar has become a permanent fixture in your life, worthy of a whole album in only 10 days?

Point being that there used to be a system to the way in which a relationship was run. There was love, then courtship, then marriage.

Now we meet someone and within days are treating them like our husbands. I know plenty of people who refer to each other as “boyfriend and girlfriend” before they have even said “I love you”. Ummm, why? Are you really so scared that someone else is going to scoop that person up that you need to lock them into a relationship?

I would argue that this behavior isn’t occurring in an effort to make true connections and fall in love. No, no. What we are trying to do is: 1) Buy time to figure out if we like someone while simultaneously keep said person off the market and 2) Make ourselves feel more comfortable about having regular sex. To the second point: the chance of someone leaving you when they are your “boyfriend” is JUST as great as if you two were just casually dating. Don’t be fooled, it is really just a label and a roll of the dice.

What ever happened to going out on dates? To some wine and dining? The romance that happens before you fall in love? Now it seems like the protocol is to get into a committed relationship and figure out later if the love is there. I know people who live together and don’t even seem to be that jazzed about it.

Everything seems to be so rushed, as if there is a shortage of people in the world. Hint: there isn’t.  Wasting time on these ridiculous relationships that you think mean so much is a true misuse of your time and dating potential. During the month (or hey, year) you spent being the girlfriend of someone you are unsure about, you could have been casually dating that person AND other people too.

Dating should be a fun process of elimination and one of the only times where you get to be really selfish. Don’t let yourself be coerced into a situation because of the desire to simply not be alone. You might have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince, but no one said you had to move in with all of them.

Danae Matthews writes for the on-line women’s health resource Women’s Health Base.