Have we not been going on dates?

We have. It is true.  In fact, so many dates we have forgotten to make time to write about them.

BUT – that is neither here nor there (well, except it is here, we NEVER stop working for you!).  What you need, CG Nation, is a great date idea.

Rival Fondue Pots

So, we are here to report. HOT CHEESE. Hot cheese is so the ticket.  It is the end of winter, now is the time before the weather heats up even more and the cheese sweats go from occasional tragedy to guaranteed faux pas.

So, here is what you do:

1. Gather up your fondue pot (We have been given three…and a s’mores maker.  Our love of burning things and eating them is apparently well known).**

2. Light some candles, and buy some fondue and bread, chocolate and fruit at your local supermarche. (See what we did there, we used French. We can’t afford the Swiss version. Cheese taxes BE DAMNED!)

3. Fire up the pot (hee!) of hot cheese, get your man over, and make suggestive eyes at each other over the delicious goodness.

4. Drink wine throughout the meal — drinking water after you start will mean an uncomfortable cheese ball in your stomach. Learn from our errors. LEARN FROM OUR ERRORS.

5. Enjoy the cheese, and then enjoy the man!

Pros:

This is a cheap and easy date idea. It is impossible to screw up!  You cannot mess up fondue! (And trust us, one of us (me) is a terrible terrible cook. And even I excel at the heating of cheese). And it is different and delightfully fun.

Cons:

No cons! Do it now!

**Ok, so if you don’t have a fondue pot, the way to get one given to you is to start dating someone, talk constantly about your love of cheese, and then have them surprise you with it on your birthday. Of course, if you already have had two other people do this, you may be bummed. BUT — if you want to have a fondue party with more than 4 people, two fondue pots are necessary so you don’t have to be bummed for long.  You WILL use them.  Final note: we prefer the cheaper electric pot to the fancy pants Williams Sonoma pot. The fancy pants pot takes too long to set up and doesn’t cook the cheese fast enough. BAH.

What is it?

A party during the darkest time of year. When the holidays are over, the new year’s resolutions have already been forgotten, and it seems like spring will never come.  It is a chance to let go of something that is holding you back, to leave something behind in the most literally brilliant way possible – by setting it on fire.  And by doing so, you take something dark in your life and turn it into light.

Follow the hashtag #darkonfire and for more info, click here.

The dirty secret of relationships is that they are WORK.  And after communication, romance seems to be the thing that requires the most conscious effort in our opinion. Soooo…that is the first thing. Romance takes work on BOTH sides.  However, it doesn’t have to be a LOT of work.  In fact, with a few ideas/mechanisms in place, romance can happen fairly easily.

For Him:

1. Read our article on seduction and follow it!

2. Women want to feel noticed, beautiful, and appreciated. We want to feel this way through gifts, words, touches, or looks — and THEN we will get turned on. We’ve said it before and we will say it again: You must start the fire to feel the heat.  Follow our formula and you will get laid.  So — ideas that might work (you know her best, so use your judgment):

a. Bring home a single rose (gift), tell her you were thinking about her (words) and you wanted to give her something beautiful, and give her a long sexy kiss.  Not a peck, a deep and loving kiss.  And then tell her she is beautiful while looking into her eyes (look).  Then relax and walk away (no pressure this way) — you have laid the foundation for later that night!

b. Send her a flirty text (words) during the day.  The same type of text that you might send early in the relationship. Examples: “Thinking of how sexy/beautiful/gorgeous you looked this morning.”  “Can’t wait to kiss you tonight.” “Thinking about taking off what you are wearing right now” etc etc. You get the idea!

c. Come home and cook a surprise nice dinner (gift!), as you pour her a glass of wine give her a deep kiss (touch!) and maybe run your hands suggestively down her back (touch). Tell her you’ve been thinking about her all day (words) and then keep up light touches while you serve her dinner. This will get her excited, fired up, and ready to seduce you.  See?

d. When you walk into the room to meet her, or come home after work and she is already home, grab her into a deep hug (touch), dip her if you are adventurous, and kiss her (lips, face, neck, gentleman’s choice).  Then tell her you have missed her (words) and set her down.  Meaningful looks and touches for the rest of the evening should seal the deal!

For Her:

1. Guys need loving too – but they are slightly more visual/direct than we are.  Putting on lipstick, heels, or whatever you know he likes is always a good start (visual).

2. Send him a flirty text, but use imagery.  “Can’t wait to see you tonight — I’ll give you three guesses as to what I’m wearing.” “Just wanted to let you know that I’m wearing my red heels tonight…” “I want you. Now.”

3. Use your feminine wiles.  Come up behind him and kiss his neck, and then run your hands down his back while saying something suggestive (fill in the blank/see above suggestions). Or run your hands down his front .  Either way, he’ll feel the love (direct touch).

4. Be direct. Say exactly what you want from him, what you want to do to him, or what you want to do together. Do this in email, text, or out loud (whisper in a crowded restaurant before the bill comes, sneak up on him at the bar, or even at home etc).

Together:

1. Set a date night regularly (every week?) and stick to it. On date night focus on each other. Go out and have sexy conversation. Dress up if that is your thing.  Flirt, kiss, and build up some anticipation for what will happen later. But take this time for your relationship and focus on romance.

2. Be kind to each other. Little gifts like doing her laundry, cooking him dinner, sending a thoughtful small present (flowers? Chocolate? Peanut butter?) and notes reminding how much you love each other will help keep the romance alive when you are both in the mood. Heck, it will help KEEP you in the mood.

3. Respect each other, but especially with your words.  Jokes, play and other stuff is all fun.  But make sure that you temper your words – nothing turns a woman off more than being told she’s “put on some tire rubber” “looks a little plump” or just “looks fine.”  Alternatively, rubbing a man’s belly and asking to talk to Buddha is a great way to discourage sex from his end.

4. Finally, communicate! If he doesn’t know what you like (or what you don’t!) then how can he meet your expectations? Same for her — if he doesn’t seduce you/touch you/cuddle with you enough to light the fire, then tell him, but do so with curiousity and respect.  Instead of “Why do you always do this wrong?!!” try “I notice you like it this way, and I’m curious as to why — can you tell me?”

Couples – weigh in! What works for you?

So men, we’re going to let y’all in on a big secret: Ladies Talk.

We know, shocking. Glad you were sitting down for that, no?

Now, this can be a great thing for you as a man (”he was great and let me give you all the gory details!”) or a terrible thing (”he was….nice. I guess?”) but either way, it’s happening.

And what do we talk about most? Yes, that is right: chocolate.

But what do we talk about after that? You got it — the art of seduction.  Commonly rephrased as “how he could be better at attempting to get lucky.”

From our detailed and exhaustive research on the seduction of men, we’ve figured out that men are fairly straightforward.  They have a few obvious areas that they want you to focus on and they prefer a direct approach.  Whether you ask them “Can I buy you a drink?” (i.e. the subtle approach) or you just go in for the face-grab, men seem to take heart when obvious is the name of the game.

Ladies….weeeelllll, not so much.  We like to not only be wined and dined, but also just plain seduced.  We want to be made to feel beautiful, desired, wanted, secure…. and just a little bit dangerous.  Simple? No. Easy? Actually — YES.  Let us break it down old school.

Things NOT to do:

1. Stand there and do nothing.

2. Be too reserved.

3. Point 1.

4. Be tentative or too shy.

5. Be scarily aggressive if you have only just met her.

6. Use a cheesy line. Or if you do, say it like you mean it and maybe we’ll believe you.

Things TO do:

[Disclaimer -- most of the below will work at *almost* any stage of the relationship. The better you know her, the more you can do with complete confidence.  However, if you don't know her, use your judgment on what may or may not be appropriate]

1. The Kiss: As patented by The Pick Up Artist, if you want to kiss her, we recommend touching her hair or touching her face, running your hands along her jaw, and then slowly teasing her and leaning in.  If you don’t really know her — then go 80-90% of the way, and let her met you the last 10%.  If you do know her and feel confident, then touch her hair/face and gently pull her in.  Any lady worth her Lady Card can effectively dodge a kiss she doesn’t want, so I give you carte blanche. You have nothing to lose by trying…and the right amount of confidence in yourself goes a long way.

2. Create Sparks: Men. This is critical.  You need to start the fire before you can enjoy the heat. What this means is that you need to touch her in a way that is appropriate in public, but will get her hankering for more. Some ideas that work on most women (but not all, so experiment!): At dinner, stroke her wrist gently as you wait for drinks. It’s a sensitive spot.  Run your fingers down her back as you walk by  Take her palm and gently kiss it.  Play with her hair.   And this is the most important part so pay attention: keep her guessing.  Change it up, do different things, so that all of her attention will be on you and when you are going to touch her next.

3. Make her Shiver: Sweep her hair off of her neck and kiss the nape of her neck as you wait for drinks at the bar (why this works: it’s intimate, possessive, and also a very sensitive spot).  Put your hands (firmly!) on her waist for a moment as you stand together and pull her into you (why this works: she feels secure and desired).

4. Dance with Her: Nothing says seduction like good music and a slow dance.  Benefits of this move: you can turn the lights off and get closer…and closer.

5. Let Her Feel your Desire for Her. Men, this does not mean actually feeling your “desire.”  It means letting her know how much you want to be with her/near her/around her — giving her your focus.  Whether you do this with words, looks, both or with some sort of throwdown, it all works.  Just make sure that she knows — she’ll find it incredibly attractive, and that will only help your cause in the end. [Note: Subtlety is important here too --there is nothing less sexy than a man that is openly salivating or lavishing worship on you when he hardly knows you. We prefer when that comes later!]

6. THROWDOWN. We secretly pretty much all want to feel like we are with a rugged man.  And the best way to do this is to demonstrate some sort of throwdown. Whether it is picking her up in the tried and true threshold carry (we all like to feel light — tip: please don’t grunt), or slamming up against a wall as you kiss her (see point #5), it’s about her feeling how strong you are.  THAT is sexy.

7. Whisper. Especially if you’re in public and it’s nearing closing time. If you haven’t done the deed yet, be careful about being raunchy here. But something as simple as “I can’t get my mind off those heels you’re wearing” will get her heart racing. Whispering it as a secret ramps up the seduction factor as does the physical closeness required to deliver the message.

This is years of wisdom from many women. Heed it. Recognize it. And APPLY IT.  Whether you are working on a new girl or your wife of 10 years, every woman craves a little seduction and wants to feel like the object of desire and affection.  Trust us — it WILL pay off for you in the end.

Agree/Disagree? Sound off in the comments!

Why is this cool?

Well — it’s always cool to find your passion! And, helping other people find theirs? EVEN BETTER!!

What is this coaching stuff anyway?

Coaching is pretty neat.  It is sort of like working with a personal trainer — except in this case, you are not only setting goals and working towards them, you are also focused on the things that might be holding you back — thoughts, feelings and emotions that are preventing you from achieving success.  Until you figure out exactly what is stopping you, it is really hard to make a lot of progress.

Why does this matter to me?

Are you feeling stuck in your career or life? Are you feeling lost, tired, or confused? Or do you have a dream but you have no idea how to make it happen? What is that dream worth to you? This is why coaching matters — working with a coach helps you figure all of this out, and then make it happen!

What else is cool?

Two things: 1. Did we mention that there is also a blog? Helpful tips and tools for finding yourself and your life!

2. It’s a club — so you get the support of a coach AND a network — EVEN BETTER.  So, go and check out the new site at…

www.therevolutionaryclub.com!

Well it did!

Sorta. This past month has brought a large volumes of obstacles and a wealth of excuses to prevent me from riding my bike. Things like…. rain, a chance of rain, plans after work, daylight savings, rain, being in the middle of a major move/house renovations, oversleeping, being lazy, not having winter bike clothes, not having a bike light for night riding, rain, being lazy, plans after work, and the chance of rain.

And then, after a few weeks of that, I worried too about fitness regression –especially on the long, grueling climb up Midvale Avenue (the fact that cycling athletes train on that road for “hill repeats” is a humbling concept). Off the bike for a few weeks, would I be back to huffing, puffing, and sweating my way to the top?

Interestingly, of all the posting I do on this website, the bike volumes have created more “real life” inquiries than anything else I’ve written. It seems like every time I attend a social gathering, someone asks me about the bike and if I’m still riding.

So-ooo, yes, here I am to answer those questions. And yes, it had been awhile. But last weekend brought us a gorgeous day and, more importantly, I had a strong motivation to get on my bike. I had plans to see a friend who lives relatively nearby but in a place that’s hard to access with public transportation. And since she has a new baby and I wouldn’t allow her to pick me up, well, the bike was the best (and really only) option. One lesson that is proven true again and again is that when riding my bike is the most convenient option, I will ride my bike every time.

Since I was a bit worried about the cold and how my neglected muscles would perform, I gave myself a stern assignment to GO SLOW. With no deadline and no army of speedy commuters whizzing by, I had no reason in the world to rush. My final modification was to break one of the rules in the Cyclist’s Pledge I’d signed with the Bicycle Coalition of Philadelphia. And as guilty as I still feel about breaking a rule, I have to admit that it was a stroke of genius.

I wore headphones.

Specifically, I listened to Classical Christmas Music (only while in “safe” areas and at a low volume so I could still hear cars, bikes, and pedestrians nearby). And what a difference it made. Suddenly my internal mantra of “go, go, faster, faster” was replaced with the “dannnnnnnnnh, dannnnnnnnnnh, danh, danh, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, daaaaaaaaaaaaan, dah-dah-dah, dahhh!” of The Nutcracker. My pedal stroke was smoother (or something?), my attitude was brightened, and all my sense of hurry was gone. In fact, I looked out on the reds and oranges clinging to the surrounding trees and felt like I was riding through the opening credits of a wonderful move.

Amazingly, I had my best climb EVER up Midvale on the way home, gliding smoothly up the hill in 3rd gear the whole way (a first!) and hardly broke a sweat. Maybe the cooler weather had something to do with it, but the melodic violins certainly had a role. They helped me establish a pedaling rhythm and more importantly, they helped me get out of my nervous head which is too often concerned with looking like a fool to the cars and pedestrians alongside me.

So I ask you. Can I wear headphones all the time? Given that this was a quiet late Fall weekend, there was nary a soul out on the path with me and the added stimulus of the music didn’t seem to interfere at all with my state of alertness. Might I try this on a regular commuting morning?

Today was another day where there were no excuses in sight so I rode in to work. Weather was great. I got up on time. My bike was ready to go. I have to say that it’s a pleasure to ride in when so many others have hung up their helmet for the season. The ride in along the river is getting quieter and the trees are increasingly barren but the fragrant breeze coming from the river (some kind of combination of water, mud, and moss) is powerfully reminiscent of my childhood and it feels like an astounding privilege to experience that on the ride from my urban home to my urban office in this city –the 5th largest in the US.

This will likely be my last biking post until we’re seeing flower buds after the last snow thaw. That doesn’t mean I won’t get on my bike on occasion though. I’ve proven to myself that a little cold is actually refreshing. Plus, I’m hoping Santa will be bringing a few fun bike accessories for me on his sleigh. After all, haven’t I been  pretty good (at least as a new bike commuter) this year?

(we’re kidding Ashley, um…. totally….. kidding… )

Anyway, back to Ashley. Besides her powerful proximity to a warehouse of wine, she is interesting to us in other ways. Like many of us, she wasn’t content to simply punch a clock day after day but instead decided to strike out on her own, be her own boss, and all that stuff that we all dream about. Not ONLY that, but she’s doing it with her husband/business partner Ryan (who just so happens to be a former classmate of ours from Belgium–we know, long story). So we thought, what a fascinating CityGirl life journey–finding love, marriage, wine, and your own business in one package. I mean, what a difference a few years can make, right?

Since she’s pretty much living our dream, we were eager to pick her brain and find out a little more about how she pulled this off. We’re also curious about that shiny mane of blonde hair and, worry not, we asked about that too.

Without further ado, meet Ashley!

***********************************

CGW: Hi Ashley! Let’s start with the basics. Name, place of birth, education?

A: My married name is Ashley Grace Sytsma. I used to be Ashley (no middle name) Southwick. I had a hard time ditching the part of my name that had to do with my heritage. And since “Ashley Southwick-Sytsma” seemed like a mouthful, I took my mother’s middle name as my own to hold onto some of my pedigree.

I am thirty years old, and I was born in the OC…Newport Beach, CA. I am forever grateful that my parents took me out of SoCal when I was seven and raised me in Seattle, WA. I have nothing against the OC, per se. I just have more grunge-loving, granola-eating, coffee-drinking tendencies than Newport Beach would foster.

I graduated from the University of Washington in 2003 with a double degree in International Relations with a focus on Latin America and Spanish. However, I spent much of my college time studying and working in Ecuador and Bolivia.

I completed one day of law school in 2005. It wasn’t law classes that scared me. It was the “how to manage your student loans” class.  I wanted to go to law school, but I also didn’t want $150,000 in debt. I ran as fast as I could, and I’m glad I did. I spent the next two years being a professional mosaic artist. But that’s a different story.

CGW: How tall are you? (Indulge us. There is a 6 inch height difference between us and we’re height obsessed)

A: At a little over 5’9”, I am actually the short one in my family. My father is 6’8”. My brother is 6’5”, and I have an uncle that’s 7’1”. Sometimes I wish I broke the 6’ mark, so I fake it with heels. Good thing my 5’10” husband likes his tall-blondy wife!

CGW: We’ll count that one as a win on Christie’s side then. Speaking of your husband, we’re dying to know –how did you meet him and how did you know he was the ONE?

A: Ryan and I worked together at the World Affairs Council. When I first met him, I must admit that I wasn’t too impressed. He came across as “boring”, but if anyone knows Ryan will tell you, that is far from the truth. We worked closely together on a large black-tie event that included a lot of long nights and a ton of stress. We became friends and confidants quickly under those conditions.

I can remember the very moment when I fell in love with him. The event was over. The last attendees had gone. I was standing exhausted in the foyer. He walked out of the ballroom, and with his hands in his adorable suit pockets, he strutted confidently…proud of the event…toward me. We had done it! The event was a smashing success. And we did it together. And it was time to party.

From that moment on I knew this was someone I wanted around me all the time. That project set the stage for many other great projects and adventures to come.

CGW: Wow, we kind of love that you debunked the love at first sight concept. It’s like Patti Stenger says, women are fondue pots. You have to add heat SLOWLY or they’ll burn out. And hey, looking at this photo, we are dying to ask you. How do you get your hair to be so long and thick and beautiful and blonde? Seriously, what’s your secret?

A: Have parents with thick, blonde hair genes. Wish I had tips, but it just grows that way!

CGW: Figures! Ok, let’s move on. We want to ask you about some of your favorite things.

Favorite pair of shoes you own?

A: My vintage Goodwill cowboy boots.

CGW: Favorite cocktail?

A:  Old fashioned fall and winter. Portonic winter and spring.

CGW: Favorite wine drinking memory?

A: Sitting cross-legged with Ryan in Sienna’s square…drinking a super Tuscan out of the bottle…munching on floppy slices of pizza…watching Italian teenagers strut their stuff.

CGW: We believe that female friendships basically make the world go round. Who is your best friend?

A: My best girlfriend is the strongest, most amazing woman I know. We bonded in college over sappy travel-related romantic comedies (Only You) and Russian literature (Dostoyevsky). As roommates we stayed up late together as she soldered circuits over and over again for her electrical engineering degree while I drilled verb conjugations for my Spanish degree. She did not run away from law school like me, and she is now a very talented, successful patent and intellectual properties attorney  – kicking ass in an area of law dominated by men. Her career originally took her to Silicon Valley where she met her adorable husband, former Apple computer engineer and current computer game designer.  I am monumentally proud of her.

CGW: So, tell us more about People’s Wine Market and the wine business in general. How did you come up with the idea and how does it work?

A: My first business married my love for wine and my love for Latin America. As a wine importer focusing on Argentinean brands, I wanted a way to get rid of last year’s wines while still maintaining my wine’s reputation. I couldn’t find it…so I decided to start my own and thus, People’s Wine Market was born.

People’s Wine Market is an online outlet for exceptional artisan wines. We taste wineries’ overstock, snag the wines that are actually improving with age rather than turning it to vinegar and sell it online to our customers at discounted pricing – and only $5 shipping per pack.

It is a win-win for everyone. The wineries get rid of their old stuff in a way that saves their reputation, the customer gets deals on the best-of-the-best, and we make a little money.

CGW: We love all of that, and we almost cried when we heard about the $5 shipping. What are your wine shopping tips for the clueless?

A: First, frequent a wine shop (or an online closeout wine website J) with a good reputation. If their wine buyer is good, then you should be happy with anything on their shelf…no matter the price.

I can’t take credit for this second tip. It’s all Ryan’s, and it really does work. Say you’re far away from your trusty wine story. Go to the grocery store or wine shop. Think about how much you want to spend on your bottle. Skim the shelves, then grab the bottle in your price range that has the most bottles taken from the shelf. If it’s on sale, and you have to stand on your tip-toes to snag the last bottle, you know you’re in for a treat. If the locals are snatching it up, it must be worth drinking. We use this method all the time when we travel…and it’s never failed.

[editor's note: Ha! We TOTALLY remember Ryan telling us about this method in grad school]

CGW: How much wine is stored at your house at this very moment?

A: Oh…geez…perhaps 90 bottles. I don’t have a pantry. I have a “wine closet”.

CGW: We think a wine closet is admirable. ADMIRABLE, we say. Hey, when can we come over and how many glasses will you serve us?

A: As much as you want! I have a booze motto: I never push…only pour. If your glass is empty, I’ll put something in it until you say, “STOP!”

CGW: We really, really, really, really like your motto. How do you feel about mixing wine with other things (spritzers, coca-cola, etc)?

A: Thank you for asking this question! I think wine cocktails are in need of a revival. There is a reason the fashionable women in Casablanca ordered champagne cocktails. It’s because they’re delicious! They are low alcohol, so you can drink more of them without getting drunk. They are easy to make, and it’s a great way to use up icky wine. Above I listed one of my favorite drinks as a “portonic”. It’s the national drink of Portugal. Mix one part white port with one part tonic. Serve over ice with a healthy squeeze of lime. It’s light, tasty, and refreshing.

CGW: What is it like to be married to your business partner?

A: It is rewarding and challenging. You can’t go home and complain about your bitchy workmate because…you’re married to him. Your “get work done” self can be much more abrasive than your “snuggling on the couch” self. And it’s hard to switch it on and off without clear boundaries. So we’ve set some rules. No work-talk at the dinner table. No work-talk on our morning walks. Ashley gets a morning all to herself every Friday for some “quiet” time. Etc.

But the rewards, especially with our work, are incredible. For example, instead of going to a wine conference in Venice with a bunch of hobos from work that you don’t like, you get to go with your best friend and partner. Plus there is something fundamentally beautiful about building something together.

CGW: So what makes People’s Wine Market different from some of the other online wine retailers or local shops?

Here are our 6 points.

One, we are tough critics. If it isn’t improving with age, we don’t sell it. If it isn’t of the highest quality, we don’t sell it.

Two, we tell our customers what it tastes like right now. Even if wine is improving with age, it’s changing. After five-six-seven years, old reviews may not accurately describe what it tastes like now. Our reviews do, allowing customers to buy exactly what they like.

Three, we only sell artisan, family-produced, environmentally-friendly wine.

Four, we give people access to new wines. Whether you live in a wine growing region or not, our web-based sales model gives customers access to wines never before available in most communities.

Five, we keep the shipping costs low. Standard shipping is only $5 a pack — always.

Six, we have a unique wine subscription. Similar to a farmer’s produce delivery, we pick the cream of the artisan wine crop, offer it at a screaming bundled discount, and ship it to our customers for free. Customers can choose from monthly or bimonthly deliveries and a mixed or reds-only box.

CGW: We have to say that we think you have an unbeatable business model and we are sincerely impressed. More importantly, we have sampled the wine ourselves and know it to be good!

Follow us later this month when Christie and I sample more of People’s Wine Market wines, sober up, and then blog to tell you all about it!

So now that I’ve been doing it for over a month, it’s a fair question —have I noticed any physical changes since I started riding?

According to MapMyRide, I logged in over 200 miles on my bike in the month of September. That’s an average of 50 miles a week and a few hundred calories burned per day. According to me, this is a huge uptick in exercise from where I was 6 weeks ago which was ZERO exercise. No doubt my lungs, muscles, and calorie-burning parts are still reeling from the shock.

As it turns out, there are all kinds of body parts that have demanded my attention since I got on a bike.

Ears: I’ve always known that my ears are more sensitive than the ears of most people. For starters, I have super human hearing. No, it’s true. I have always had it. And it’s the crappiest kind of super power you can get. Sure, I can eavesdrop way better than most people but I spend most of my life wincing and begging people to turn stuff down. But hearing isn’t the issue on the bike. It’s my sensitivity to wind and cold. Maybe it’s a detached lobe thing but my ears start throbbing after even a minimal exposure to wind or cold. Even in summer temps, the sides of my head will be aching by the time I complete a 5 mile ride.

I now own a Pearl Izumi headband which cost something stupid like $25 but I would gladly pay it again. It’s made of thin lycra and fits snugly over my head and under my helmet. It’s perfectly proportioned to sit over my entire ear so that none of the lobe is exposed. AND it has a hole in the back for my pony tail. Genius. Style-wise, it makes me look like a midget ninja but I do NOT get on my bike without it. When the weather gets colder, I might try doubling up with a fleece one over top.

Crotch: Yes, I said crotch. And I’m sorry. I tried to think of a way around it but there just isn’t one. It pains me too. And speaking of pain, you see where I’m headed. I won’t go on but I will say that padded shorts are your friend (just like my friend Katie told me before I got the bike when I said I wouldn’t wear them because “they’re ugly and I’m not going to do enough cycling to need them”). But they are not, in my opinion, enough. Can I wear 2 shorts for double the padding? When those delicate bits are cramped and squashed, they don’t respond well. Use your imagination.

Weight: Now, I am hardly the right person to list all the many benefits that exercise is supposed to bring to your life. But I think we can agree that weight loss is on that list. Right? I sure as heck expected it to be. Instead, during my 200+ mile month, I gained weight. You read right. And don’t tell me it’s muscle because A. I will slap you and B. it’s not muscle (waistbands don’t lie). But just when I was on the brink of smashing the scale with a hammer, my doctor came up with an explanation: hypothyroidism (I know thyroid treatment is controversial but I had radiation exposure so the nature of the problem is no mystery).  And now, voila, I am taking happy pills to speed things up. I will report back after another month. Time will tell.

Legs: …are……..stronger? I think so. After a month, I could definitely feel a difference in my ease of movement. The first week or two I rode to work, my legs would feel wobbly and rubbery after I got off the bike. These days, I just pop off and think nothing of it.

Lungs: Biggest difference of all, I think. My ability to scale the hill on my commute home has greatly improved! The first few times I did it, I had to get off the bike and walk it. Eventually I could ride it but I would be gasping for air and covered in sweat by the top. At some point, the boyfriend watched me riding and (after expressing amused horror) suggested that I slow the hell down and stop using up all my energy on the first 10% of the hill. Apparently, this is called “pacing yourself” –amazing stuff! After that gem of wisdom, I was able to get up the hill in much better condition (though I was going so slow the bike nearly tipped over at times). These days, I can get up it with more speed and ease although cars, children, dogs, strollers, and every other cyclist still pass me in spades. But that’s ok. This is MY training plan, I tell myself.

And besides, NONE of their  bikes are as cute as mine.

Bugs: One fact I am sure about: my riding speed is not faster than that of a mosquito. Since I ride along a river, this may not be a problem that all city commuters face but on any given day I can break out into a dozen red itchy welts from the little beasts that (apparently) fly along side me and drop in for a snack. When I think of it (about 5% of the time) I put bug spray on my arms and legs. Works great but its smelly (and toxic?). But it’s not just mosquitoes! Lately the river seems clouded with gnats. Now I understand why so many cyclists wear sunglasses even when its cloudy. Yesterday evening when I got home and saw myself in the mirror, I had 3 dead gnats stuck to my eyelids. True story. And also —Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Weather: All this time, I’d been fretting about the prospect of riding in the rain. I’d skip a day of riding rather than risk being caught outside without the proper protection. Meantime, I researched rain gear –waterproof jackets, pants, sealed bags, etc., worrying about all that rain that would drench my little body. Not once did I consider the most vulnerable part of me in a rain storm –my face. When you ride upright, head out, on a cruiser you are driving into an assault of hundreds of rain bullets coming directly. at. your. face. It’s not fun. Better than gnat bullets? Maybe. But not fun.

Birds: Mosquitoes outrun me so you can only imagine the competition I get from ducks and geese. They’re out there on the river in large numbers and who can blame them? It’s sorta like their natural habitat or whatever. I tense up whenever I see a large flock (gaggle?) of Canadian geese assembled ahead of me on the path. And for good reason, right? I have no assurance that in a goose-bicycle encounter, I’d come out the winner. In fact, I recently tested this theory by accident when I came upon 2 seemingly mild-mannered ducks standing together at a safe distance off of the path. I was riding happily along when they suddenly launched into flight. I ducked (pardon the pun) and avoided one of them but the second one flew straight into my leg and made feather to skin contact. It was pretty scary! I wobbled and recovered without falling and continued along cursing and panting –much to the apparent confusion of riders coming around the corner toward me.

Cars: I don’t want to be killed by one.

Joggers: Ohhhh the joggers. Is it like skiing vs snow boarding? Coke vs Pepsi? Can we agree to disagree or must we define ourselves by our mock hatred for each other? Joggers, let me give you some credit. I could never do what you do. You’re out there huffing, puffing, and sweating and (forgive me for saying it but) hardly moving at all. Even the slowest cyclist on the bike path (me) can pass you easily. On top of that it looks like you’re hurting your feet. But! You still do it! You are amayyyyyyyyy-zing. And I am sure that its very annoying when cyclists whiz by and get too close (not me, but maybe some of the faster more aggressive ones). Now, if you could just stay to the right and go single-file (at least where the path is narrow), that’d be great. Also! If you choose to wear head phones and jog 3-4 across, don’t be surprised when bicycles come out of nowhere trying to pass because you can’t hear “on the left” no matter how loudly its shouted your way. Please?

Trash: I’ve rolled over hair extensions, Gu wrappers, metal rods of varying shapes, pieces of paper, coffee lids, and lots and lots of glass.

Mud and flood water: Hey, remember that hurricane?! It feels like the city has still not recovered. One day, you’re good and the next day you (nearly) ride into a wall of water when the bike path is consumed by the neighboring river. Even a light rain can give birth to massive mud puddles in as little as an hour. But, this is why I have fenders.

Slow cyclists: Kidding! I wish. Actually I AM the slow cyclist –the one who tries to stay to the right and make it easy for you to pass (you’re welcome and godspeed!). Yes, that’s me, the one staring enviously at your rapidly disappearing back wheel as you speed away…

Tree parts: Cycling sure does put you in tune with the changes, cycles, and routines in your surrounding environment (aka “the outside”). Two weeks ago, dozens of hard pellets appeared all over the bike path and I found myself trying to navigate the bike around them. Going over one is unpleasant–it’s the cycling equivalent of hitting a pothole and a time when you curse yourself for not wearing padded shorts. What are these mysterious pellets? Acorns. Remember acorns?! Crazy, I know. Apparently it’s their season. And now, just recently, I’m seeing leaves on the path. Wet slippery leaves. If not acorns or leaves, its sticks. And I think they fall off of trees and into bike paths all year round… or so I’m told.

What interesting things have you rolled over, swerved to avoid, or collided with?

While discovering new muscles (aka cramps) in my legs and the real meaning of the term “saddle sore,” I’ve asked myself what in the world has motivated me to stick to this EXERCISE regime for nearly a month. I have a few answers. But first, let me tell you what isn’t motivating me:

1. Racing. Nope! I am surrounded by competitive athletes who race their bikes in cyclocross races, road races, criteriums, and charity rides. And when they do, I am happy to hand up a bottle, ring a cow bell, and shout their names at a blood curdling decibel (in between swigs of beer). That’s for them. I’d rather lollygag around on my cruiser.

2. A shared activity with my boyfriend. Sure, sometimes we’ll bike together for the occasional picnic and you better believe he has a lot to teach me about bike handling and maintenance. But mostly, he rides for training and racing. I ride to get to work. These are different.

3. Fitness. Ok this is a half-truth. I love that I am getting exercise out this deal, that is one of the top benefits. But when the alarm goes off and I think about starting the day on the bike, “exercise” is not the reason I pull back the covers.

What DOES motivate me:

1. Speed: Now that I have a clue about what I am doing, my bike commute time is on par with the time it takes me to get to work on public transportation. In fact, many times it’s quicker. And on the days I don’t ride, I find myself increasingly infuriated when someone else is making me late to work. At least on the bike, if I’m running late, I can simply pedal faster. I have not had the same luck in persuading the subway to move more quickly…

2. Cost: Outside of the gear and accessories that I am collecting, the bike ride is FREE. After a few quick free rides to work, it seems insane to PAY someone for the privilege of crowding into a bus with no seat available and be late for work .

3. Being (nearly) Unstoppable: You know what I absolutely love about bike riding? How infrequently I have to stop. I’m an impatient person and I hate waiting for the bus, waiting in traffic if I’m in a car, waiting at stop signs, waiting for someone to make a left, etc. On the bike, I mostly just keep going. And going. And going. One of my favorite new things is to glide effortlessly down the shoulder of a busy road packed with cars. I imagine myself saying to the drivers, “Heavy traffic today huh? Sucks to be yooooooouuuuuu —uuuu……….” as I get further away and my voice gets smaller.