Christie spends a lot of time on her couch...it's gotten to be kind of a symbiotic relationship. So much so in fact, that Jess insisted she title her column after said couch obsession. Writing with both humor and sass (sometimes at the same time!) Christie is here to provide hilarious insights and stories (admittedly, often involving the Real Housewives. She apologizes in advance!)

Christie on Tap: Best Dating Advice in History

Posted by Christie - 31/03/11 at 09:03 am

This week, dear readers, Christie throws back a glass of wine and pretends to be Jess.  Jess figured: “How wrong can it go?” while Christie delightedly rubbed her hands with glee and made a mental note to get an extra special box of wine, instead of stuff directly from the paper bag.

We hope you are sitting down…

So, we have sorted through your questions and queries, thrown an ice cube into our glass of white zin, and are ready to dispense our “wisdom.”  And by wisdom, we mean random cheap-wine-related thoughts.  We feel confident it will be our best work however because cheap wine, a computer and a couch? Has never led us wrong!

Question 1: Where have all the good men gone…? Seriously, where can I go looking for one?

Gentle reader, that is an excellent question.  My latest best guess is Italy, a select group of fireman’s calendars, and the television show the Vampire Diaries.  Those men are HOT.  Have you SEEN Damon?!

Good men however? More of a challenge.  Have you tried the priesthood? A nearby divinity school? What about your local college campus? Get ‘em young and train ‘em right we say!

Question 2:  Should you live with a guy before you marry him?

Oooh (rubs hands excitedly) a challenge! Well ladies of the jury, the prosecution stands strong with the comment: “Why on earth would you move in with him? He’s a BOY!” while the defense, rushing in late while wearing her skirt backwards, throws out: “But if you are going to marry him, why wouldn’t you take him for a test drive first? Just to make sure the engine is up to speed before you drive him off the lot, you know?”

The prosecution counters with: “Are you talking about living together or something else? Is this a winking situation?”

The defense replies: “Winking? Welllll….you do probably want to make sure that the stallion is broken to saddle if you know what I mean…” *wink*

Judge: (Bangs Gavel)  Enough! Ladies, live with a guy only if there is something more at work besides financial planning.  If you think it is a long term relationship of significance, go for it.  If you find yourself moving in so you can afford to pay rent, re-think.  There is nothing sadder than arguing over who gets the Flashdance dvd should it all go to pot….you know you both want it.

Question 3: What’s your thoughts about dating older vs younger? Pros? Cons? Or should we stick to our own?!

We like to think of it as a friendly version of the United Nations.  Yes, there is a inside circle of ages that you should probably mostly date, but really–shouldn’t the world be involved?

Yes, yes it should.

The world is your oyster gentle reader, and therefore it is up to you.  A younger man may be viewed as the equivalent of Chile– i.e., hot and spicy! While the older man may be more like Monaco or a merlot, i.e. expensive, stable, and ages well.  Mostly it depends on what you want for dinner, and if you can have more than four courses! Wait–was this metaphor about food or countries?

Doesn’t matter–date who you want.  You rock!**

**Caveat: If you are old enough to be his mother…then no. Just no.  Ditto if his name start with Hugh and ends with Hefner. Keep walking. Keep these universal truths in mind, gentle reader, and you will never be mistaken for a) your date’s grandmother or b) his granddaughter.

Bravo, and happy dating!

*raises glass*

Christie

(photo credit)

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 31st, 2011 at 9:00 AM and is filed under Couch of Christie, Jess on Tap, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.