THE URBAN GIRL'S SURVIVAL GUIDE

The Senor: I Don’t Believe Expensive Engagement Rings Equal True Love

Posted by Guillermo, "The Senor" - 07/09/10 at 08:09 am

Hey, CityGirls!  What’s going on? It must still be summer because relationships seem to be everywhere these days.  Couples are out for walks, meeting friends for the “double date dinner,” or watching a late night movie at the cinema.  Couples are all over the place and for a cynic that believes in love, it’s refreshing!  Time passes and some relationships fail to last, but some do.  That’s when the time comes for a topic that most men know nothing about and many women claim to be an expert on:  the purchase of the ring.

We’ve all seen it.  The lady flashing the bling bling ring in the office or your newly engaged friend shoving that sucker so close to your face you need some sunglasses just to see!  It’s not that I don’t like the whole diamond ring thing, but I’ve become increasingly disenchanted with how many ladies I see thrusting these things around and saying, “Look at how much he loves me!”

Now, now, ladies, don’t get mad at me yet.  I realize all CGW readers aren’t like this.  However, as a man, I am baffled by the notion that the more expensive the ring, the more the man loves the woman (I know a lot of guys buy expensive rings just to impress their lady and to make her happy…it’s not about how much they love her).  I am even more disturbed when I hear (sometimes directly) from some lady that her man HAS to purchase her a ring costing $15,000 or more.  I’ve even heard a few say $20,000.

REALLY????? For some reason this topic gets my juices flowing.  I was at a party recently and a friend from out of town told a group that she believed a man should be willing to spend “two to three months salary” on a ring.  Oh yeah, you can bet I jumped in on that one and let me tell you– the debate was all over the place.

I was surprised to learn that a lot of other ladies in the room agreed.  When I said I thought an $8,000 (random number) ring would be enough and that the saved money could go toward a fun honeymoon or toward paying for the wedding, well, I was met with sneers and the looks people get when they step in something icky and smelly.  I was surprised. Over the next few weeks I talked to a lot of lady friends of mine and found most agreed with me, but that a lot of those that wanted to felt the pressure of wanting the big ring to show off.  Some of them even admitted that they feared a cheaper ring would draw remarks like, “Oooh, it’s not, ummm, bad at all…”  Trust me, these are not weak superficial ladies…at least not on any other topic.

I decided to look up when this diamond ring thing came about and where the idea of two to three months salary (that’s a lot in tough times) came from.  I found the below courtesy of www.experigalot.com:

The history of engagement rings is a pretty fascinating one worth reading. As far as diamond engagement rings go, what happened was that around 1870, diamonds were discovered in South Africa, and De Beers Consolidated Mines managed to gain control over most of the diamond supply to the world. To create demand and perceived value in the post-Depression and post-WWII era, De Beers began a very successful marketing campaign with the famous “A Diamond is Forever” phrase that you still see and hear today in ads. De Beers managed to convince the public that diamond rings were the only correct choice for engagement rings, and, what’s more, that they should be kept as heirlooms (and hence not resold, thus preventing a secondary market from being created). They even educated jewelers to instruct would-be husbands that two to three months’ salary was the appropriate amount to spend on an engagement ring.

De Beers myths and propaganda continue to this day and this new “tradition” isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

So, CityGirls, what do you think?  Does an expensive ring really mean anything at all except that the guy spent a lot of money?  Does size really matter in demonstrating true love?  Am I just a cheapskate because I think $15,000 is a lot of money for a ring?  I look forward to reading your comments!

Odds and Ends

- I’ve received some surprising inquiries about David and PLHD and whether or not this whole story (or portions of it) was really true.  I’m here to tell you that it is and that PLHD really did call David, Ted, and myself out at a BBQ in DC.  She got us good (and I’d be surprised if she isn’t reading this too!).  I’ll also tell you that David and PLHD are doing pretty well right now and I couldn’t be happier for them.

- I want to thank you all for reading and supporting the DC Burger Matchoff.  It’s been one of CGW’s most popular articles over the last few months and I’m glad to see you appreciate my efforts to find the best burgers and accompanying fries in DC for you guys.  I’m currently working through the second group of four (there will be three groups of four , then a Final Four).  Here’s a sneak preview:  the second group’s contenders are Harry’s Tap Room, Westend Bistro, Palena, and The Burger Joint.

- I’ve been really impressed by the new Gals About Town!  Lauren and Leigh bring a great dynamic and energy to CGW and I’ve really enjoyed their articles.  Awesome job, ladies!

- As an fyi, I’m always open to suggestions for new articles (my friends do it all the time…even The Senora does too!) or places you think I should try for the Burger Matchoff.  You can pass them on in the comments section or by sending an email to the gorgeous Christie or the beautiful Jess.

Till the next time CityGirls,

Senor Guillermo

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  • Nothing can compare to the brilliance of flawless diamonds cut completely. Being the hardest substance known to exist, durability symbolizes true love occurs in the wedding vows. Diamond engagement rings are a favorite for the true connoisseur.

  • Well I do agree and should get more media attention.

  • Gab

    I agree with you. As a woman, i think its disturbing that every other woman is so mesmorized by diamonds. The more expensive the better... Id prefer something unique and simple. Something that doesnt cost a fortune. I was even looking at engagement rings on etsy, one was around $800. To me thats enough. My fiance does not need to blow all of his money for me to know how much he loves me. High matinence, snobby woman are taking over the world, its unfortunate.

  • inexpensive engagement rings

    The history of engagement rings is a pretty fascinating these days. I would prefer to have inexpensive engagement rings for any occasion...

  • Stillwaterrunsdp

    In this day and age, a woman is equal in every way. They earn their own wage, the can travel the world, they do not require a man. So the idea that a man needs to bribe a potential mate with a ring, is preposterous and any man who falls for this marketing ploy is a fool. 

    The true measure of a persons love is not to be found in an engagement ring.
    In fact if you really want to test the character and quality of a potential mate, offer them nothing except, your loving devotion, patience, hard work to make the journey of life together fulfilling, and rewarding.

    The only ring that matters is the WEDDING RING, and even that is only a symbol. Most woman are too shallow to realize that even being asked is the real prize. A man who is willing to support you, care for you, and listen to you, that is the real diamond.

    An engagement ring is at best a bribe, and at worst it is an excuse to compensate for a woman lack of character in that, she needs a a valuable gem to advertise her perceived worth.

    The more she needs the big ring, the more she lacks the genuine character of a loving partner.

    No engagement rings.................that is the real test of love.

    Then she loves you just for the way you make her feel.

    Most men are too weak.............

  • Raadjaroo

    You nailed it. I agree with u 100%

  • victorezeakum

    selecting  a wedding ring especially Expensive 
     Engagement Rings
    could be very difficult. 

  • victorezeakum
  • I totally agree with you that it does not matter how expensive the ring is.. The thing that matters a lot is the love, affection and emotions attached with the ring.. Do you agree with me?
    wedding rings for men

  • Ptesinge

    I too am horrified by the whole ring-expense issue. Especially since my husband is the one who seems to feel my ring isn't big enough. I'm the one that picked it out and I love it to death.

    Coverse to the absurd social pressure, I am baffled that people aren't embarrassed to exhibit such shallowness. In fact, I feel great pride that I don't equate nor confuse materialism with love.

    I mean, a great big shiny ring is beautiful, but unnecessary debt and materialistic measures of love/self-worth are overwhelmingly ugly.

    As an interesting, random side note - our jeweler told us that in the US, couples go for the biggest stone (with less regard to quality); in Japan they go for best quality (size doesn't matter so much); and in Europe they go for the optimum balance of the 2. I just found that interesting.

  • George
  • Kelly

    My ring belonged to my husband's great grandmother. It is unique and beautiful and I take great comfort knowing that we didn't contribute to the market of conflict diamonds.

  • This brings to mind a thing called KPS -- The Knot Post Secret. As you might've guessed, it's a Knot take on Post Secret. About a month ago, engagement ring wars ensued between secret submitters. So now I know that my husband doesn't love me and never did because my ring not only cost less than even one month's salary, but it's also an emerald. GASP.

    $15K was the cost of our entire wedding. Holy hell, we're doomed!

  • The very thought of dropping 3 months salary on a tiny stone terrified me. I didn't spend anywhere near that, bought a custom ring, and her eyes still sparkle like the day I gave it to her. I guess it helps that her ring looks bigger on her tiny little hands!

  • Jo

    Thank you for this. I specifically told my husband NOT to get me a big ring because I found spending that much money on a ring to be ridiculous. I love my ring, it's perfect but when conversations start turning into "look at my ring" I walk away so I won't be insulting.

  • The Senor

    Jo, I couldn't agree with you more! Hope to see more of your insightful comments on here.

    The Senor

  • Shannon

    My engagement ring is a sapphire, because I loathe the De Beers corporation, and because it's almost impossible to be sure that your diamond is conflict-free. It's beautiful and classic and I know I love it. What I don't know is how much my fiance spent - nor would I want to know! It's a gift, and a lovely one at that, so prying into the finances of it would be intrusive and impolite.

  • Didi

    I did the same thing. I've always wanted a sapphire. Diamonds are nice, but everybody's got one now. My husband and I had a great time finding a jeweler, picking out a stone we both liked, picking out the setting, and then waiting impatiently for the ring to be finished. It's beautiful, and I love it. Because he listened to me and what I wanted (something with a little more personality was how I explained it to him) rather than the standard diamond that everybody else has. It never occurred to us to worry about what anybody else would think of it.

  • The Senor

    I love it!

  • I really liked this post. I have had friends who demanded a Tiffany's ring . . . which, while very nice, are not any different than a diamond from say, JC Penney's. Seriously . . . if the color/cut/clarity and size are all the same, then it shouldn't matter where it comes from. It's not jeans or shoes. It's a diamond and nobody but you will know it's from some fancy store. Point being, buying a ring from a store like Tiffany's adds SCADS of $$$ to the price. And as for spending $15-20k on a ring, WOW. Can't wait to see what she "makes" him spend on the wedding if that's just the ring.

  • The Senor

    It's downright frightening...think of what she'll expect!

  • Elena

    Oh my $8000 when that could be two vacations abroad for 2 or a trip around the world? I'm a woman and love sparkly things but would take a vintage non-diamond piece over anything they sell in the big box jewelers, or better yet go to an exotic place and get something simple or hand made there!

  • Moxie

    My engagement ring cost about $500. The man that gave it to me is priceless. I wouldn't trade him for a rack of diamonds.

  • The Senor

    And men around the world are asking if you have a sister...:)

  • Lacochran812

    There's a difference between spending $8,000 and spending $500. A huge difference in quality. $8,000 should buy a perfectly nice ring for most people these days.

    It really comes down to peer pressure and what the bride to be is used to--what do the diamonds look like in her family/among her friends? She doesn't want to be pitied, after all.

  • I agree with you, Senor! there are far more important things in this world to spend that much money on!

  • ajt

    Ya know, Senor, now that I found my beloved, I don't even want the rock. After all, it's the band that means we tied the knot and put the legal wrapping on our relationship and commitment. Besides, I am forever knocking my hands on something. I want only the band so that I can go hiking and camping and sailing and whatever else with peace of mind.

    I wish we could just leave peer pressure in high school.

  • The Senor

    Great comment!

  • elle

    fascinating topic, senor! i agree with the above posts : it's not so much of a symbol of how much he loves you, but more like something that both parties should be happy to look at every day to remind them of their joint love and commitment. personally, i'm really turned off by big gaudy rings b/c - to me- i think they look trashy. i'd rather have something unique, it's not so much about the cost as it is about the end product (that being said, the man better not be cheap about it!).

    i also like the point about having a ring that you build on over time ... maybe you can't afford the exact ring you want right now, but you commit to adding to it over the many years you'll be together :)

  • Jennifer Yen

    It comes down to the woman. Some woman are so empty on the inside, they demand a large ring and this is how they define themselves.

  • The Senor

    Good points, Jennifer, although I think some good women do want the big ring because of peer pressure, etc.

  • Tamikajones

    When my guy bought the engagement ring, I didn't care how much it cost, or how big the diamond was, just as long as he was sincere and head over heels in love with me. It is still going well after nearly 30 years. However, he did up multiply the diamonds by three on our 20th. But that was his thing...not my bling.

  • I don't even like weddings so the ring is no different. My only criteria is that there is something on my finger that's makes me (and my HUSBAND) recognizable as married people. I don't care about gemstones or a lavish display of a wedding. Cringe. However, one exception. I do reserve the right to spend a stupid amount of money on my dress. I am still a girl, after all.

  • The Senor

    I think there is nothing wrong with that!

  • Stephie G

    Ugh, I think it is horrible to spend so much money on an engagement ring when it could be put towards something more important--you know, like a lifetime together? (i.e., House? Tuition? Honeymoon?) I would saying a wedding, but I am not a fan of those, either. Maybe my opinion shouldn't count as I clearly am not a normal woman!! I would be wary of any woman who demanded a certain price point for a ring. The ring is a token of commitment, not a receipt of money paid for said commitment. However, the ring should be something the woman loves. After all, she should wear it, theoretically, "forever."

  • Working Girl Alison

    Wonderful post! I am newly engaged and made it clear to my man that I wanted to put the money into our new home, not my bling. Although, he still spoiled me rotten without making a huge dent in the bank account. It just takes a little research, patience, and looove to get a beautifully affordable ring!

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