Couch of Christie: Life Lessons From the Real Housewives
Posted by Christie - 08/09/10 at 08:09 amI know, I know. I should NOT be watching this trash. Or, adding insult to injury, tweeting madly about it late at night while further writing about it on my blog.
But yet, it’s like a bad accident. I CANNOT look away. I try. I do. I turn on Lifetime. I check out hulu. I even, in a burst of madness, do a few plank positions near my couch as a distraction.
And yet…my hand mysteriously reaches for the remote. Bravo mysteriously comes on. And then suddenly, I’m watching the Real Housewives (of New Jersey. Oh fine. DC too).
So…
I guess I’d better make the best of it!
After Monday’s confusing, weird, yet strangely entertaining Reunion: Part II, I found myself left with these key life lessons:
1. Money don’t buy you popularity. Kim G…oh Kim G. You might indeed have the most money, but lady, money alone will not buy you class, friends, or a non-sketchy wardrobe. However, please look into that non-sketchy wardrobe bit. You have a Bentley. You can find a stylist.
2. Four kids will make you hella strong. My friends with children (sigh), all tell me that their amazing biceps come from lifting their children and their children’s extraordinary paraphernalia. Apparently, kids are heavy. As is their stuff. So, times that by 4 and you’ve got a small (ish) Italian lady scaring the bejeezus out of Andy Cohen. Who looks like he works out, but clearly not enough.
3. The OK Corral never goes out of style. As matriarch Caroline so eloquently put it (well, as closely as I remember): “You want it? You got it! It’s time to go into the OK Corral!” Or something involving fighting words and “OK Corral.” Either way, I’m using that in my everyday speak from here on out. Like so: “Hey Co-Worker–you took the last of my tea. Step away from the sugar or we’re going into the OK Corral” (waves mug menacingly).
4. Death Threats via Facebook, family insults, and allegations surrounding bad plastic surgery can all be healed through the power of hugs. Yes, that is right. Next time I engage in a war of words with a reality show nemesis, I will remember that we can wash it all away with an awkwardly long hug on a brightly colored couch in Atlantic City. Hugs, they heal all wounds!
So, thus comes to an end another Real Housewives series (for now). What were your life lessons? (Don’t turn on Bravo? Stay away from the remote? Plank positions never heal the way that hugs can?). Comment away!
(photo courtesy of Bravo TV)
