Top 5 Tips on Dealing with a BridezillaPosted by Christie - 02/07/10 at 08:07 am
Join us for one of our final postings of wedding week (yes, we made it!) brought to us by the lovely Amanda Diamondstein-Cieplinska, founder and owner of Stellina Events, the amazing wedding and event planning service. Earlier this week Amanda talked about how to be a stress-free bride. Today, she tackles dealing with a totally stressed-OUT bride. Yup, you got it, the INfamous bridezilla! (Dun dun dun DUN).
Weddings are fun, fabulous events (or at least they are supposed to be) yet your wonderful friend has turned into a self-centered maniac who is obsessed with the perfect four-tiered designer wedding cake, antique pink hydrangeas and making you miserable.
Before you blow up at your Bridezilla friend, think about what creates a Bridezilla: STRESS
Where does the stress come from? Many, many things such as:
* This is your friend’s big day and she wants it to be perfect. She might not know what perfect means, but she wants it and will do anything to get it.
** Your friend is making a huge decision to marry her fiancé. She is forever changing her life. She is going from a single girl to a wife, which is a big change in identity.
** Her family may not be supporting all of her decisions regarding the wedding planning or her fiancé might not get along with her family.
** She may be scared that her budget is not big enough for her to having the wedding that always been her dream.
** Maybe her mom or dad (yes, it does happen sometimes) is acting liking a Bridezilla and refuses to let her daughter and future son-in-law have the wedding that they want.
So when dealing with a Bridezilla, do keep her current situation in mind.
It might seem like sparkly diamonds, yummy cake and pretty gowns to you, but to her it could be somewhat of a nightmare. And if she inflicts that nightmare on you, here are some tips!
Tip 1: Be there for her
This tip is simple though, at times, challenging. You friend may be driving you up a wall talking about the wedding 24/7, not asking how you are doing, complaining about wedding planning or forcing you to spend a fortune on a makeup artist.
While this is going on, I ask you to remember why she is your friend. You love her and care for her. This is a tough time and the best thing you can do is listen and be there for her. Just having you present may be a calming influence. Your friend will appreciate it.
Tip 2: Take her mind off the wedding
When you ask her how she is doing and she goes into a tirade, plan something to take her mind off of it whether it means going for drinks, brunch, going to an amusement park or the beach. Just tell her it is okay to take a break from wedding planning — she needs the time off and may not be giving it to herself.
Tip 3: Make her the center of attention (sometimes)
I know. I know. It can be frustrating to make your engaged friend the center of attention all of the time. You have stuff going on in your world that is important to you and you wish that she would ask and care, but she doesn’t seem to. This isn’t a must but if you see that she upset and has a ton of stuff going on that is making her insanely angry, sad, frustrated (insert appropriate adjective), just try to focus on her a bit more. That being said, if every conversation is all about her and her wedding is one or two years away, I would suggest trying to be more honest with her about her behavior, but in a nice way. See Tip 4.
Tip 4: Make an intervention – be honest
Now I am not referring to a crazy, angry intervention with 12 fuming, irritated bridesmaids – that sounds like a recipe for disaster!
I am suggesting that you sit down with your BFF in a comfortable spot and lightly tell her how you feel.
You can start off by explaining to her that you are so excited for her to be engaged and happy that she found the person that she wants to spend her life with. Tell her how thrilled you are to be participating in her wedding and honored that you were asked to be a bridesmaid. Explain that you understand how stressful a time it is in her life but also how joyful a time it is.
Then you need to decide what you want to say in reaction to how you are feeling. Depending on the situation you can explain to her that:
** You are currently going through some stuff too and would like to talk about it OR
** You are not able to spend so much on the dress/makeup/hair, are there other options? OR
** Explain that you understand what she is going through but feel like she is taking out a lot of her stress on you and “we” need to work on that.
Whatever your situation is, just be nice and honest about it. Remember to stay calm and remain supportive.
Important: Do NOT do this within a few weeks of the wedding as that would be extremely hard on your friendship and that is really when she needs you as a bridesmaid and friend the most.
Tip 5: Suck it up
She is your best friend. You have known her for years and care for her dearly. She is driving you crazy and her wedding day is quickly approaching. If you are one month before the wedding, I would just say – deal with it. The wedding will soon be over and your friend will (hopefully) be back to her lovely self.
Most girls/women take on a bridal persona either immediately before the wedding or even throughout the wedding planning process where they act as a princess or queen whether they want to or not (for some it is a conscious decision while for others it may be subconscious). Even the nicest people can be super demanding the week or day of their wedding. The wedding overcomes them and they become a different version of themselves.
So stick by your friend and wait it out. She’s not lost, just… missing in action for a short period. She’ll be back! So, while we wait, does anyone have any fun bride stories to share?
Check out Amanda’s website over at www.stellinaevents.com!