Trendspotting: Miami-Wear
Posted by Jess - 13/05/10 at 11:05 am
[Photo Credit: Lex Hernandez, Miami New Times: Source]
Miami is ground zero for trendspotting and people watching. Everyone talks about the “Latin influence” and that may sound like a vague and mysterious concept to you. You may have some notion involving ruffled skirts and maracas. But really the “latin influence” on Miami fashion is much more simple than that. In a word, it’s about “skin” and LOTS of it. Ideally, surgically altered skin.
Miami is a fashion flesh parade, with a few bits and baubles thrown in to help you make the critical distinction between nudist colony and hedonistic hotspot of the idyll rich.
If you are looking to hit Miami this season and you want to blend in…. here are the essentials bits you will need:
- Large breasts, real or fake
- A golden tan, real or fake
- Long hair, real or fake,* should be very dark or very blonde
- Peep toe stilettos, for day or night
- Metallic sandals with zipped ankle cuff, for beachside only (I hope I don’t need to mention that flats are only allowed AT the beach)
- Romper, micro mini, for day
- Straw fedora hat, for day
- Micro mini dress with one shoulder/asymmetrical detailing, skin tight, for night
- If at all possible, flawlessly beautiful face and long legs
*As expected there were a number of women with the rapunzel-like extensions down to their (tightly clad) tushes, but this trend appears to be on its way out.
I consider a weekend in Miami to be the ultimate fashion challenge and I attempt to rise to the occasion to the extent that its possible for me to do so within the harsh confines of a surgically unaltered body (sarcasm is, as always, –intended). As the days passed, I couldn’t help but consider the effort that goes into maintaining this lifestyle. The surgeries, the hair extensions, the tanning, the weekly manicures/pedicures, the waxing, the stiletto-induced foot pain, —the list goes on. It tires me just thinking about it. Do these people work? The only upside is that they wear so little clothing that maybe it keeps the shopping budget down? ——(doubtful).
And if you think YOU would have a hard time fitting in, stay tuned for next time when I tell you about my run-in with the cast of Jersey Shore. They’re currently filming in Miami (talk about fish.out.of.water………….)
