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Couch of Christie AND Jess: Boys Suck (and are Awesome)

17th May 2012 by Christie View Comments

Sometimes Jess and I are on twitterverse. And sometimes, just on email.  And on those forms of crazy virtual communication, many comments, critiques, and judgments pass our way about boys. Men. Dudes. “Those guys” and “That tall drink of water over there, no, your other left. DON’T TURN AROUND!”

It’s true, even now we are like 5 years old.

ANYway….moving on. Today, I invited Jess to my couch for a chat about boys.

Recently it has come to my attention, via an email from the husband of one of my people, that men do, in fact, suck.  He said, IN WRITING, that it took 10 years of daily training by his “insanely beautiful and sensitive” wife (yes, points!) to get him to not be a douche on a regular basis.  He pointed out that without her he’d be lost, and he said that he knows it sucks to be a single girl when other untrained men are all that is out there in the wild.

So, we are here to discuss that. I move that it is time to TRY MEN AND PASS JUDGMENT. Jess has valiantly offered to defend them. Yes, we are wearing our hats of evil (pillbox, with netting) and our monocle of judgement (sparkly).  Men, you may approach the bench. It’s about to get real.

Arguing for the Defense: Jess.

Arguing for the Prosecution: Christie.

GO!

Prosecution: Ok, so — while men may have awesome bodies and strong muscles and the ability to pick us up physically without grunting…we’d like to argue that it is all a facade meant to distract us.  The first reason that men suck: They are emotionally stunted. STUNTED!! A 24 year old women is like the emotional equivalent of a 30+ year old man. Catch up men! COME ON!

Defense: Men are good at balancing work and play. They put in a grueling week at the office then join the boys at the summer shore house on the weekend (where beer funnels may or may not happen). They keep us young. And some of them are really good at math. Just saying.

Prosecution: Reason number 2 – THEY DON’T COMMUNICATE.  There are a very small number of outstanding men who communicate and can string together a sentence that also expresses their feelings.  The Senor and Smoove Salsero are two that come to mind.  But most men? They won’t even tell you what they had for lunch, much less what they are actually thinking or why. Don’t you ever get tired of having to ask? It’s like pulling teeth. We all learned how to talk in kindergarten. It’s time to put that great crayola work to good use.

Defense: Boys are good at getting to the point and stripping emotion from fact. Case in point? As a child, when I got in trouble with my mom, she’d hold a grudge forever. She’d keep bringing it back up with renewed irritation and she was sure my misbehavior was a personal attack. My dad? My dad would sit me down and say, “Here’s what you did wrong. Here’s how you will be punished.” Fifteen minutes later, he would have a perfectly pleasant conversation with me over the dinner table.  No, it’s not the same as speaking from the heart or penning poems but “straight talk” does have a place of value.

Prosecution: Boys don’t have children! Whatever you may say, prostate exams do not equal the pain of labor.  Nor does turning your head and coughing. Boys, for not having to experience the most excruciating pain in the world, you suck.  Also, you don’t have to get your periods. We just want to mention.

Defense: Ill-timed erections? Balding? Kidney stones? Am I grasping at straws?

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury: Where do you stand? Did Christie pull it out? Was Jess’s monocle slightly more sparkly? Did either of them actually make any sense at all? NOW IS THE TIME FOR YOUR VERDICT!


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Couch of Christie: The Breakup Coordinator

15th April 2012 by Christie View Comments

Ok. OK. Ohhhkayyy.

So it has been awhile since we last saddled up and rode, lovely CGW fans, and I have missed you.

But rest assured, Jess and I have been busy. In fact, we have been busy with a large amount of break ups. Work, home, big, small, men, boys, and a half-hearted attempt to break up with our favorite brand of pita chips. So far, it’s not going well. Breaking up is hard! Breaking up with pita chips? SO MUCH HARDER.

Anyway, all of this breaking up has lead me to think.  And I can’t help thinking of this story that my Dad told me years ago about his fraternity.  Apparently, they had a unique system there that I very much wish to reactivate today.

Basically, as they met pledges during rush week and got to know them, they had to slowly whittle down the herd.  They would vote, the list would be shortened but…the pledge still had to be told. So, they had a guy. And this entire guy’s job was to let the boys who were cut down easy.  And apparently, he was really REALLY good at it.  You left my Dad’s fraternity feeling wonderful that you were not picked. Grateful to be kicked to the curb! Ecstatic about your future at another fraternity!

And this is the best bit: all they would do when they had a rushee or a pledge who was failing was introduce him to their guy. That was it! He knew, as soon as your bought over your sad candidate and said: “Bob (in my world, his name is Bob), I would really like you to meet (insert name to shortly be forgotten), you have a lot to talk about.”  And Bob, being on it, would clap a brotherly hand on (insert name to shortly be forgotten), and lead him away to the slaughter.

I LOVE this system.

So, I would like today, in our recession, to create a new job. A new, desperately needed job: The Breakup Coordinator. Imagine, if you will, that you are dating a nice man.  He’s tall/got great eyes/does your taxes/knows how to bake/whatever floats your boat.  But, BUT, you just don’t feel whatever it is you are supposed to feel, or he just has started to creep you slightly. Whatever it may be.  So, instead of having to sit him down and have that terrible conversation, you just say to him: Ted, have you met my friend Jess? I really want you two to chat. And Jess (thanks Jess!) takes her cue, claps him on the shoulder (or, messages him on FB) and breaks the bad news.

Problem solved.

And then Jess plans a lovely weekend for you, so that you get over the break up gracefully, surrounded by pita chips and loving friends.

Makes perfect sense, right?

Who’s with me?

:)


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Things We Love: Lululemon Ride On Collection (Blazer, Short, Pant, Henley, Crop)

12th April 2012 by Jess View Comments
If you’re a Lululemon fan, you know about the company’s brilliance when it comes to functional, flattering, high quality workout wear. While their focus is in yoga and running wear, I wear many of their clothes on my bike commute.

So you can imagine my excitement to learn they were coming out with a limited release Bike Commuter line. Specifically, I am excited about clothes that transition from bike to work/play. Anyone that commutes to work or lunch dates via bike knows the frustrations of needing 2 separate wardrobes! The Ride On collection is not for super long rides or races but for bike commuters who want clothing that will be comfortable and sweat-absorbent on the bike AND look cute and appropriate off the bike. This is a market almost completely unmet by anyone else! If that weren’t tempting enough, before I had a chance to go check it out, the stuff WENT ON SALE. And now, after spending an extraordinary amount of time trying and testing each item, I will offer my research findings to the rest of the internet world…

Ride On Blazer

($168.00 –on SALE for $118)

SIZING: I couldn’t find my usual size 2 for tops so I tried a 4 and it fit surprisingly well.
FIT: There are too many details to this jacket to list. So much wonderful attention was given to the fit of this jacket and it is a winner. It is both flattering and functional. The bustle in the back is gorgeous and provides butt coverage on and off the bike. I love the lapel too. As others have said, the sleeves really are too long. It’s true that you extend your arms on a bike but even so, they are too long. The only other thing I would change is that I’d prefer a symmetrical zip in the front for a more work-friendly jacket.
COLOR: I like the faux denim colors in this line although some solid colors would be better suited for the office.
FEATURES: Zipper pockets are excellent and they fit an iPhone (I checked!). Luon is great for moisture absorption. I LOVE the removable collar for extra warmth –genius!
USES: I’ll wear this as a work blazer OR as a jacket for weekends –for cool-moderate weather. I wish there was a short sleeve version.
VERDICT: I bought one.

Ride On Crop

($92.00 –on SALE for $59)

SIZING: I fit snugly into my usual size 4 in bottoms. It’s a tight fit but it holds me in well!
FIT: The fit is excellent. The pants are high waisted which is great for coverage on the bike. The cropped look is so cute with the buttons but my favorite feature is that you can uncuff them and you have an ankle-length pant. Two in one!
COLOR: I like the faux denim look for the crop. It gives the appearance of a casual pant/legging while retaining all the features of exercise wear.
FEATURES: 3 stretch back pockets. The middle one fits an iPhone! I love these and already find it annoying that my other pants don’t have this feature.
LACK OF PADDING: I have mixed feelings about the fact that none of the Ride On collection offers seat padding –a staple in most cycling clothing. I would love to see Lululemon come out with a removable padded liner that could fit underneath all the Ride on bottoms. Luckily, I tried my own padded cycling shorts underneath them and found that they fit! I did not have to size up to fit them. They look equally good on their own or with the padded short underneath. That was a major selling point for me. Now I have options.
USES: I wear these on my bike in the morning continue wearing them at the office! I wear them cropped on the bike, uncuff them when I arrive, throw on a tunic top and ballet flats and, voila! Work wear! And I don’t feel the slightest bit sweaty or grimy even after a brisk 7 mile ride.
VERDICT: Without a doubt, the best of the collection. I bought one and wore it SO much that I went back and bought a 2nd pair. I am seriously fretting over the decision to get a 3rd pair. I wear them just about every day. To date, these are sold out online but still in supply at many stores.

Ride On Short

($88.00 –on SALE for $58)

SIZING: I fit easily into my usual size 4 –same as I wear in the Groove Pant.
FIT: The pant is very fitted at the butt, hips, and waist –similar to many of Lulu’s pants. It cuts away about mid thigh and flairs just a little. I found that I didn’t like the cuff that much. I don’t need any extra bulk on my thighs. I like the look much better uncuffed.
COLOR: Faux denim works well for the short. They look a lot like jean shorts but have all the perks of being fitness wear.
FEATURES: Luon panels are well-placed in the areas where you need stretch. The high waist is appreciated so that nothing is hanging out! The hip pockets would not be usable on a bike since they’re not secured but they’d be fine to use once off of it. The back pockets might hold small objects but what is very cool is that  you can button them open and make use of the reflective panels in the lining. The back zipper pocket is great for a credit card but, unfortunately too small for a phone.
LACK OF PADDING: (see review of Ride On Crop)
USES: I wouldn’t wear shorts to the office obviously. But these will be perfect for weekend days where I ride into the city to meet a friend for lunch and I will no longer have to look like a dork with shiny black shorts. For longer recreational rides, I will add the padded shorts underneath.

Ride On Pant

($128 –on SALE for $99)

SIZING: I fit easily into my usual size 4 –same as I wear in the Groove Pant.
FIT: The pant is very fitted at the butt, hips, and waist –similar to many of Lulu’s pants. It cuts away about mid thigh and then becomes a straight leg pant. I really did not like the look of it, personally. It wasn’t quite a legging and not quite a pant. It was nice to have the option of cuffing it but I didn’t like the look.
COLOR: Unfortunately in these pants, the contrasting luon and woven panels just didn’t look right. These pants are having an aesthetic identity conflict.
FEATURES: Luon panels are well-placed in the areas where you need stretch. And again, the high waist is a great detail. As with the short, the hip pockets would not be usable on a bike since they’re not secured but they’d be fine to use once off of it. Same situation with the back pockets too.  You could use them for small storage or you can button them open and make use of the reflective panels. Once again, there is a back zipper pocket which might store some cash but is, unfortunately, too small for a phone.
LACK OF PADDING: (see review of Ride On Crop)
VERDICT: I wouldn’t wear these pants to work because the fit was funny. Since they didn’t appeal to me as casual wear and aren’t a dedicated cycling pant, I have no use for them. However, with a few modifications I’d scoop these pants up for the Fall if Lululemon re-releases them.

Ride on Henley

($88 —and surprisingly NOT on sale)

SIZING: My understanding is that this top does not come in a 2 which is a shame because that is my standard size in Lulu tops and the 4 in the henley was too big.
FIT: I LOVE the idea of a trapeze top made from Luon that is long enough to cover my butt on and off my bike. However, I found the top to be longer than necessary and it looked almost like a babydoll dress. This may be a size issue since I was in one size up. However, my recommendation would be to make this top where the length in the front is shorter than in the back (similar to the shaping in the Ride On Blazer). This would be more flattering.
COLOR: It came in a white, an orange, and a black but the first 2 colors sold right out (online and in store).
FEATURES: Luon keeps you sweat free and the thumb holes are great for warmth. Lower back hem makes for a more modest ride.
USES: I’d wear this absolutely from bike to work with a fitted skirt or pants. I’d also wear this out and about on the weekend. Really love this top as a transitional item. In colder weather, I’d wear a tank under it to keep out the wind.
VERDICT: I’m really hoping we’ll see this soon in short sleeve and a tank. Spring is here. Summer’s coming. Let’s see some warm-weather items.


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Date Idea: Hot Cheese. Hot Man.

23rd March 2012 by Christie View Comments

Ok, so we have been very VERY remiss in our postings of date ideas. Very. Terribly. Almost embarrassingly so.

Have we not been going on dates?

We have. It is true.  In fact, so many dates we have forgotten to make time to write about them.

BUT – that is neither here nor there (well, except it is here, we NEVER stop working for you!).  What you need, CG Nation, is a great date idea.

Rival Fondue Pots

Rival Fondue Pots

So, we are here to report. HOT CHEESE. Hot cheese is so the ticket.  It is the end of winter, now is the time before the weather heats up even more and the cheese sweats go from occasional tragedy to guaranteed faux pas.

So, here is what you do:

1. Gather up your fondue pot (We have been given three…and a s’mores maker.  Our love of burning things and eating them is apparently well known).**

2. Light some candles, and buy some fondue and bread, chocolate and fruit at your local supermarche. (See what we did there, we used French. We can’t afford the Swiss version. Cheese taxes BE DAMNED!)

3. Fire up the pot (hee!) of hot cheese, get your man over, and make suggestive eyes at each other over the delicious goodness.

4. Drink wine throughout the meal — drinking water after you start will mean an uncomfortable cheese ball in your stomach. Learn from our errors. LEARN FROM OUR ERRORS.

5. Enjoy the cheese, and then enjoy the man!

Pros:

This is a cheap and easy date idea. It is impossible to screw up!  You cannot mess up fondue! (And trust us, one of us (me) is a terrible terrible cook. And even I excel at the heating of cheese). And it is different and delightfully fun.

Cons:

No cons! Do it now!

**Ok, so if you don’t have a fondue pot, the way to get one given to you is to start dating someone, talk constantly about your love of cheese, and then have them surprise you with it on your birthday. Of course, if you already have had two other people do this, you may be bummed. BUT — if you want to have a fondue party with more than 4 people, two fondue pots are necessary so you don’t have to be bummed for long.  You WILL use them.  Final note: we prefer the cheaper electric pot to the fancy pants Williams Sonoma pot. The fancy pants pot takes too long to set up and doesn’t cook the cheese fast enough. BAH.


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DC Career Expo for WOMEN! Find Your Next Dream Job!!

19th March 2012 by admin View Comments

Ok ladies.  We have heard about this “recession” and these hard times.

They are no fun.

In fact, getting laid off and job hunting SUCKS.  Let it be said with authority. It SUCKS!

So, to that end we want to stop the madness, and invite anyone in need of a job or help to the DC Career Expo just for women. WOMEN HELPING WOMEN. This is genius. Awesomeness. Bravo! Also, did we mention our very own Christie will be there as a career expert?

Yes, we do not lie.

So, if you are looking, this event is FREE and for anyone who needs a change.  And then make fun of Christie’s headshot. Go. Enjoy. Love!!

CAREER EXPO INFORMATION. CLICK HERE. DO IT!


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