Our latest blogger, the beautiful BreezyGirl, has investigated body shapes for all us ladies to consider.  Behold: clothes that fit really do make a difference!

My lovely fellow CityGirl recently arranged for us to get fitted for bras at The Full Cup, a swanky lingerie store in Alexandria. VA.  To my amazement, the awesome saleswomen told me that the 40DD I had been wearing was entirely wrong…I actually wear a 36HH (what?!?!?!!?).  I immediately noticed the dramatic difference wearing my real bra size had on my figure.  My boobs were entirely covered by their bra cups rather than spilling out.  I could comfortably move my finger under each strap. The bra also touched me in different places, which kept my boobs in the right place rather than pushing them to the center of my chest like my old bra did.  I felt so good in my new bra that I wore it out the store.

This enlightenment got me thinking about other aspects of my wardrobe, knowing there are clothes in my closet that simply don’t complement my curvy figure, much like my 40DD bra.  Like my dress that I have to keep pulling up to cover my newly christened 36HHs or the blouse that fits perfectly everywhere except on my bust line, which I have to pin to death to prevent impromptu flashings.

So with that, I pledged to refresh my wardrobe with items that work best for my figure, aka my body shape.  But first, I had to identify my body shape because I had no clue.  With some investigation, I discovered there are 4 shapes that should be considered when shopping in order to choose the most complementary styles for your body: the Pear, the Apple, the Hourglass, and the Ruler.

Pear. Pear-shaped women are bottom heavy meaning their lower torsos are wider than their upper torsos.  Key indicators are slender necks and hips that extend beyond the shoulders.   Not the rule, but many Pears have small bust lines.  Famous Pears: Beyonce, Christina Aguilera, and Kelly Clarkson.

Pears can be very adventurous with their blouses because they need to add more weight to their upper torsos, particularly their bust lines, to balance their body and draw attention away from their wide hips.  So think ribbons, feathers, and fluffy things a la Carrie Bradshaw!  Key must dos: bright/light-colored blouses and dark-colored skirts and slacks to push attention up top.  Key must avoids: pleats, thin shoulder straps, and busy patterns because they makes Pears look bulky.

Apple. Generally, the upper torso of Apple-shaped women is bigger than their lower torso.  Most, not all, also have large bust lines, wide backs, and broad shoulders that extend beyond the width of their hips.  Apples come in all sizes—Jennifer Hudson, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kate Winslet, Elizabeth Hurley, Rosie O’Donnell, Angelina Jolie, and Queen Latifah are all Apple-shaped women.

Apples look best in styles that give them a definite waist-line while balancing their upper and lower torsos.  Key must dos: V and plunging necklines, empire waists, and A-line cuts for a slimming affect to the figure.  Key must avoids: halter tops, busy patterns, anything off-the shoulder, and clingy fabric.

Ruler. Ruler-shaped woman are slim, with very little natural curves.  They are often considered to have an athletic build and usually have lean arms and legs.  Famous Ruler: Keira Knightly

The style focus of any Ruler should be to add the illusion of curves by choosing styles that draw attention to the waist, neckline, and bust. Key must dos: Using big and funky belts, ribbons, and scarves to emphasize the waist line.  To add volume to the bust, Rulers should wear bold patterns and blouses with full, fluffy sleeves.  Key must avoids: Clingy fabric as it will highlight the Ruler’s lack of curves.

Hourglass. I hate (love) these women—they are proportioned all over with narrow waists that give them perfect curves everywhere.  Famous Hourglasses: Scarlett Johanson, Jessica Beal, and Salma Hayek.

Due to their proportionate curves, Hourglasses can wear almost anything.   Key must dos: strapless dresses, off-the-shoulder cuts, and styles that emphasize their narrow waistlines like corset designs.  Key must avoids: clingy fabric and busy patterns—both can give the impression of a bigger, bulkier body.

Now, what am I you ask?  In the past, many of my friends and family have described me as having an Hourglass figure because of my heavy bust line and defined waist line.  However, a little more educated on this topic, I have determined that I am actually an Apple.  The first indicator of this is my 36HH (large) bust line.  Second, though I have a definite waist line, it is somewhat wide.  And finally, I have very broad shoulders partnered with narrow hips.  In fact, my shoulders extend nearly 3 inches wider than the width of my hips.   So, Apple it is.  Armed with this knowledge, let the shopping begin!

Signed,

BreezyGirl

We’ve all been in those relationships, I think, where no matter what the other person says, no matter how much evidence we have of their love for us, we just can’t quite trust it. Let’s face it, no good relationship comes without risk. If you’re not terrified that your love will one day drop you stone cold and leave you with a bleeding, oozing heart of pain, well then maybe you’re not in love!

Usually (unfortunately), there seems to be some degree of a power imbalance such that one person is feeling more secure than the other. In most cases, this inequity is obvious to both parties but in some cases a little bravado can mask a world of underconfidence.

For all the chatter we make about letting guards down, being vulnerable, and taking our walls down —no one wants to expose themselves only to find that they are the only one with their pants down. Embarassing!

To show you what I mean, here are some examples torn right from the pages of the dating battlefield.

Case 1: A friend of mine met an amazing guy (online! seriously!) who was a law student at one of the Ivys. Not just smart and successful, the dude was really good looking. She was instantly smitten and nervous as hell. Their first few dates were magical.  She quickly realized that he was nervous too. He mentioned that he didn’t know why a girl like her would choose him. How sweet! How endearing! ……….Until a few months later, when his constantly voiced insecurities started to take their toll. Although she’d tried to convince him of how great he was, he spoke so frequently of his own shortcomings that, over time, she started to see him the way he portrayed himself —as a person of low value.

Case 2: Another friend got involved in what I think of as a game of emotional chicken. She was so intent upon hiding her vulnerabilities with her new boyfriend, that she actually portrayed herself as cold and disinterested. The boyfriend, seemingly did the same. She feared that her insecurities must be transparent but underestimated her skills at faking it until you make it. One night after a few drinks, the boyfriend expressed his own insecurities about her feelings and with that, the two were able to fess up and find that they were emotionally on the same page, almost in spite of themselves.

So how do you resolve your insecurities about your partner, rational or not? How do you let them inside to see the softer, weaker you without the risk that they will run for the hills?

You can’t eliminate risk in relationships. As I said before, its inherent. If you can’t accept that, you may do better in another arena, like say, priesthood. But you can and should be vulnerable with your partner —-in bits and pieces. Borrowing from The Senor’s piece about Dirty Talk (who knew that topic would be so transferrable?!), you can try the Ladder Approach. You reveal yourself, your fears, your worries, your inner frightened kitten in small infrequent doses.

Balance is everything in relationships and its far easier said than done. With the Ladder Approach, test the waters in small increments and keep tabs on whose sharing what. If you and your partner can swap fears and worries at a more or less equal rate, then you’re in good shape. If one of you is doing all the worrying and the other doing all the reassuring, it may be time to re-evaluate and recalibrate…

Ahh yes. Have you ever been in a bar and had really random (but awesome!) conversations with strangers? We are here to tell you that we understand. And also, it’s been happening to us a lot recently! So, we figured that now, NOW is the time to share the joy that is meeting a random (drunk?) man at a bar, and entering into a conversation with him. It may be weird, wild, and odd. Enter at your own risk:

Us: What is the first thing you notice about a women?

Him: Shoes.

Us: Shoes? What? Wait. What?

Him: No really! You can tell a lot about a person by their shoes…if if they take care of themselves for example.

Us: Hmmm…never thought about it like that (inner monologue: thank god we are wearing our stuart weitzman boots! whew!). So ok, what’s the one thing a girl should do when approaching a man?

Him: Approach him. Seriously. Just approach him.

Us: Fair enough! So…what is the one thing a woman should do in a relationship?

Him: Maybe be a bit of more cognizant of the pressure men are under. Guys get hinged up on work and expectations. Men are under a lot of pressure. There are a lot of expectations!

Us: Ok (inner monologue: hinged? what?) So…ummm. What piece of advice do you have for women?

Him: Relationships are supposed to be fun! Women can fixate on the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, focus on what matters as what is important.

Us: So, compare a woman to a drink. What would she be?

Him: Women are cosmopolitans! Classy, intelligent, fun. Cosmos are drinks of good personality, not a cheap rail drink. Defininitely not a whiskey sour in a plastic cup!

Us: (giggling). Ok, that’s my friend over there. Take care! (wanders off)

Tune in next time for….more (random) CONVERSATIONS in a bar!